Since Patrick loved my joke about Anal sex in another thread, so much that he just can't stop talking about it.. Here are a few more!!

A plastic surgeon grafted tits on a sailor's back.
When asked if it was a success, he said, "Absolutely. I did
it on a percentage basis, and if his anus holds out, we'll
both be millionaires shortly."

A cab driver pulls up to the curb and picks up a nun. Its a
fairly long drive to the nun's destination, and having run out
of small talk the cabbie is at a loss of words.
After a noticible silence, the cabbie speaks up.
"You know sister, I've got this weird fantasy."
"And what might that be?"
"Well you see, I've always wanted to make it with a nun in the
back seat of my cab"
After this remark, there is silence in the cab again. And a
few minutes later the nun speaks up.
"I must also confess, that I have had fantasies about making it
with a cab driver in a cab."
After hearing this the cabbie decides to pull into an alley for
some action. But before they could do anything the nun asks him
to promise her two things. First he had to promise her that he
wasn't married to avoid adultry.
"I promise I'm not married."
Next he had to promise to enter her in the rear to retain her
virginity. And the cabbie agreed to those terms also.
After all was said and done, they dressed and proceeded to the
destination. Just as the nun was exiting the cab, the cab driver
called out and said, "I have a confession to make... I'm married.
Will you forgive me for lying?"
To which the nun replies "Yeah I think I can, oh, I too have a
confession to make. My name is Bob, and I'm on my way to a
costume party!"

John McCarthy gets home after being released by the kidnappers.
He gets together with the lovely Jill who has been waiting for
him all this time, and they prepare for their first bonk for
5 years.
"John, I know this might be difficult for you after all this
time, so if there's anything special you want me to do, go fast
or slow or anything, just say and I'll do it."
"Well there are two things..."
"Yes, tell me what you want, it'll be OK."
"First, I want to take you from behind... doggy style... up the
arse."
She pales slightly, swallows and says, "Well, OK then, we can
do that if that's what you want. What's the second thing?"
"And can I call you Terry?"

Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers
happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were
discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man said, "My Benny loved to fly, so I'm going up in a
plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."
The second man said, "My Carl was a good fisherman, so I'm going
to scatter his ashes in our favourite lake."
The third man said, "My Jim was such a good lover, I think I'm
going to dump his ashes in a pot of chilli, so he can tear my arse
up just one more time."

Oh oh oh oh sodomy jokes! Can I play?

One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says "Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you..."

Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.

The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.

Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says "Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!"

The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says "Surpise, its me the Hippie!"

The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says "Surprise, its me the bus driver!"

quote Originally posted by 8Ball: Since Patrick loved my joke about Anal sex in another thread...

Class act.

For anyone who's wondering what the hell's going on, Here is the other thread.

I am glad you enjoyed those SO much

I found some more for you!!

Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy -- and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.
First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."
Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"
The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."

A guy arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find his lover in bed with a young, handsome boy.
Just as he was about to storm out of the house, his lover stopped him with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about:"
"Driving home, I saw this young guy, looking poor and tired, I offered him a ride. He was hungry, so I brought him home and fed him some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator.
His shoes were worn out so I gave him a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style.
He was cold so I gave him that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you.
His trousers were worn out so I gave him a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore.
Then as he was about to leave the house, he paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your lover doesn't use anymore?'
"And so, here we are!"


Four gay guys walk into a bar and start arguing over who's penis is longer.
Well the bar tender finally got sick of hearing them arguing so told them he had a way to solve this problem.
He told them to stick their penis' on the bar and he'd tell them who's was bigger.
Well just as the put them up there, another gay guy walks in and yells "I'll have the buffet!"

What a drag it is getting old...
When I went to the bar tonight, I noticed this old boy about 75-80 years sitting all alone in the corner and he was crying over his cocktail.
I stopped and asked him what was wrong.
He said: "I have a 22 year old lover at home. I met him a month or so ago, right here in this very bar!" He continued; "He makes love to me every morning and then he makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground, brewed coffee."
I said: "Well, then why are you crying?"
He said: "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then he makes love to me half the afternoon."
I said: "Well, so why are you crying?"
He said: "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then he makes love to me until 2:00 am."
I said: "Well, for goodness sakes! Why in the world would you be CRYING!"
And he said: "I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE!"

Hope you enjoy those!!!

quote Originally posted by 87antuzzi: Oh oh oh oh sodomy jokes! Can I play? One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says "Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you..." Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you. The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop. Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says "Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!" The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says "Surpise, its me the Hippie!" The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says "Surprise, its me the bus driver!"

I thank you sir, that was great!

There was once this cowboy, riding through the wild west. One day, off in the distance, he sees a small cloud of dust. So he rides his horse up to it, and finds its an Indian laying on the ground with his penis sticking out of his pants! The cowboy gets off his horse and asks, "What are you doing?", to which the Indian replies, "Me tell time! Penis acts as sundial." The cowboy in disbelief says, "Ok, what time is it?" The Indian looks down at his "3:35..." "That's amazing, your right!" the cowboy says in amazement. So he hops onto his horse and keeps going.

Riding along further, he sees the same thing, gets off his horse, and thinking the last Indian was a fluke, asks this one the time. The Indian looks down at his "one eyed bandit" and says "4:40". The cowboy is stunned, the time was right again! Shaking his head he hops back onto his horse and rides again.

After riding a while again, he sees yet another Indian on the ground with his "bald headed champ" except he was jerking off. The cowboy hops off his horse and says, "And what are you doing?" to which the Indian replies, "Me winding clock."

quote Originally posted by 87antuzzi: Oh oh oh oh sodomy jokes! Can I play? One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says "Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you..." Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you. The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop. Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says "Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!" The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says "Surpise, its me the Hippie!" The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says "Surprise, its me the bus driver!"

I MEGA MEGA LOL'd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So one day the (18 yo to keep it safe) girl decided to ask dad to use his car.
Dad says, you know what you have to do. She says, but I don't want to. He says, well if you want to use the car you have to.
So she drops to her knees and goes to work servicing him. All of a sudden, she looks up at her dad and says your dick taste like ass .
Dad looks down and grinning says, yes dear, your brother ask to use the car before you.

[This message has been edited by scrabblegod (edited 05-12-2011).]

LOL!!! OMG That is sooo wrong!!!!

quote Originally posted by scrabblegod: So one day the (18 yo to keep it safe) girl decided to ask dad to use his car. Dad says, you know what you have to do. She says, but I don't want to. He says, well if you want to use the car you have to. So she drops to her knees and goes to work servicing him. All of a sudden, she looks up at her dad and says your dick taste like ass . Dad looks down and grinning says, yes dear, your brother ask to use the car before you.

wow....

So this is a thread specifically started with the intention of offending a fellow member?

[This message has been edited by newf (edited 05-13-2011).]

Is that what it was? I thought it was to make folks laugh.

.

[This message has been edited by Red88FF (edited 05-13-2011).]

quote Originally posted by Scottzilla79: Is that what it was? I thought it was to make folks laugh.

If it was only for that why would it have a persons name who said they were offended by such jokes in the title?

[This message has been edited by newf (edited 05-13-2011).]

It's all pretty freakin' weird.

quote Originally posted by Patrick: It's all pretty freakin' weird.

and beyond. The whole premise of the thread, IMO, is disgusting and something one would expect to hear or read in a schoolboy's washroom, not on a board that has a longstanding standard of being a family viewable content. The image Patrick posted is "off color" enough to also violate this standard, but I understand why he posted it--to illustrate his point about "anything goes as long as it is titled NSFW?". There's a big difference between being tagged "unsafe" and posting something that is simply in poor and crude taste, and (again--IMO) the little bit of the disgustingly crude jokes I read exemplify both poor taste and crudeness. Having said that tho, I will now just use the back button, wade out of this stinking cesspool, and allow the grownup kiddies to giggle over their odd taste in humor.

Trying to bring it back to normal.
The bloke asked his date, "What do you think of anal sex?"
"Ugh," the girl exclaimed. "I couldn't let anyone stick their prick up my back passage unless I was totally drunk."
"The whiskey's in the top left cabinet," the bloke said.

My only question is, was this thread really necessary?

Ron

quote Originally posted by newf: So this is a thread specifically started with the intention of offending a fellow member?

Forgive me for being presumptuous, but I believe the word you were looking for was troll, this thread was started with the intention of offending a troll.

quote Originally posted by blackrams: My only question is, was this thread really necessary? Ron

It was every bit as necessary as Patrick trying to crap all over the other thread...

Speaking of trolls...

[This message has been edited by 8Ball (edited 05-13-2011).]

quote Originally posted by 86GT3.4DOHC: Forgive me for being presumptuous, but I believe the word you were looking for was troll, this thread was started with the intention of offending a troll.

as in.....Trolling?

calling out a username in the topic title makes it pretty clear what the intent is - and who the troll is in this case.

but - either way - love the jokes!

@scrabblegod wtf is wrong with you man?!

Trashcan? No WAY. Delete this thread PLEASE.
This is disgusting.
Nick

quote Originally posted by fierofetish: Trashcan? No WAY. Delete this thread PLEASE. This is disgusting. Nick

nothing wrong with the jokes.. .cept that one... *smh*

quote Originally posted by fierofetish: Delete this thread PLEASE. This is disgusting. Nick

Hmm. Though I don't find it in good taste for a couple of reasons, why do you find it disgusting ?
With love Nick, I have to point out that you are the same guy which ... defended the life of a snake (rightfully so in my opinion).

Sure are a lot of "sensitive" fellows here.

SOME of us have a personal reason to be. And secondly, oh why bother
I suspect more than 75% minimum find the subject nauseating, and NOT funny...but then...we ARE old
There's an old saying I recall...why play in the sewers, when just next door is paradise?
Cliff....Where on EARTH is the corrolation between somebody sadistically killing a living creature, and sodomy???? :shrugs:..I just don't get it
Nick

[This message has been edited by fierofetish (edited 05-13-2011).]

quote Originally posted by skuzzbomer:

Was that directed at me ?
If so, I can clarify.
It's called cyber environment. Now, as with a snake bite, there is no back button. A forum does have one. I can't count the number of times I have been hurt. There was no back button. Never have I asked for one.

quote Originally posted by 86GT3.4DOHC: Forgive me for being presumptuous, but I believe the word you were looking for was troll, this thread was started with the intention of offending a troll.

I don't know about that, getting upset and speaking up about off colour jokes on a family forum seems fair enough to me. I'm not particularly offended by such jokes but it's a respect your audience and the forum kind of thing IMO.

The word troll has been thrown around so much lately some don't even seem to know what it means.

quote Originally posted by cliffw: Was that directed at me ?

Negative, Mr. Separator, sir.

Directed at whole thread.

[This message has been edited by skuzzbomer (edited 05-13-2011).]

I'm deeply offended by this thread. You should have the common decency to place the topic of the thread in the title so that those of us who DON'T find these jokes humorous know not to view it. If you had at least given fair warning I wouldn't have accidentally seen these jokes and I would have no reason to complain. Shame on you.

quote Originally posted by fierofetish: Cliff....Where on EARTH is the corrolation between somebody sadistically killing a living creature, and sodomy???? :shrugs:..I just don't get it:

The correlation was not of someone being sadistic. It was of the right of different species to co exist. The snake thread went on to ridding people of what that they merely objected to.
Sorry for a poor analogy.

quote Originally posted by TommyRocker: I'm deeply offended by this thread. You should have the common decency to place the topic of the thread in the title so that those of us who DON'T find these jokes humorous know not to view it. If you had at least given fair warning I wouldn't have accidentally seen these jokes and I would have no reason to complain. Shame on you.

Do I detect sarcasm?

quote Originally posted by TommyRocker: I'm deeply offended by this thread. You should have the common decency to place the topic of the thread in the title so that those of us who DON'T find these jokes humorous know not to view it. If you had at least given fair warning I wouldn't have accidentally seen these jokes and I would have no reason to complain. Shame on you.

I sure hope that was Sarcasm

[This message has been edited by 8Ball (edited 05-13-2011).]

quote Originally posted by newf: I don't know about that, getting upset and speaking up about off colour jokes on a family forum seems fair enough to me. I'm not particularly offended by such jokes but it's a respect your audience and the forum kind of thing IMO. The word troll has been thrown around so much lately some don't even seem to know what it means.

Very true, but posting nude images in the same sentance you are complaining about an off color joke, in a thread about said joke non the less, makes you a self richeous troll... Making the comparison through words to such an image would have made perfect sense and IMO is open to debate, being a douche on the other hand, is not.

[This message has been edited by 86GT3.4DOHC (edited 05-13-2011).]

quote Originally posted by 86GT3.4DOHC: Very true, but posting nude images in the same sentance you are complaining about an off color joke, in a thread about said joke non the less, makes you a self richeous troll... Making the comparison through words to such an image would have made perfect sense and IMO is open to debate, being a douche on the other hand, is not.

Wow, so I'm the "self richeous troll" and "douche" here, eh?

Some of you guys have your wires crossed, in more ways than one.

quote Originally posted by Patrick: Wow, so I'm the "self richeous troll" and "douche" here, eh? Some of you guys have your wires crossed, in more ways than one.

Well, I wasnt naming names, but whatever suits you.

I am however offended by your tone, let me go find some dong pictures to post in this thread as apparently the best way to express distaste is to offend everyone else. BRB.