I just typed out a huge thing, but I don't really want an analysis of my situation--I just want an opinion from older men who've had young loves.

If you want her... really like her and would do anything for her... and she wants to go... Do you fight for her, or do you let her go because that's what she wants?

I want to fight for her. I know we would be happy together--it's just that the long-distance between us has taken its toll. However, I don't want to make this painful for her if she wants to walk away.

What would/did you do? What are your suggestions?

All you can do is tell her how you feel. If she still wants to walk away , let her, it is the only real choice you have,,,

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87 GT
series 1 3800sc (7.597 @88.53 1.579 60ft)

quote Originally posted by theBDub: I just typed out a huge thing, but I don't really want an analysis of my situation--I just want an opinion from older men who've had young loves. If you want her... really like her and would do anything for her... and she wants to go... Do you fight for her, or do you let her go because that's what she wants? I want to fight for her. I know we would be happy together--it's just that the long-distance between us has taken its toll. However, I don't want to make this painful for her if she wants to walk away. What would/did you do? What are your suggestions?

If she's asking for you to let her go... then the decision is already made... there's nothing you can do.

Move on... sorry man.

I don't know what she wants to do yet.

We were fine-and-dandy just this weekend. But one of our cell phones didn't work Monday and Tuesday, and we weren't getting each other's texts. I just figured she was busy so she wasn't responding. She thought I was ignoring her... I tried calling multiple times, even left Facebook messages, but I don't think she noticed those either. She wants to "talk about things" today, and the way she was acting yesterday made me feel it was heading this direction. I think those couple of days really stressed her and so the full force of me being away hit her.

I will let her go if that's really what she wants to do, but then what if she says "You never even cared enough to fight for me when I walked away?"

Just don't wanna lose her over something stupid like that.

quote Originally posted by 82-T/A [At Work]: If she's asking for you to let her go... then the decision is already made... there's nothing you can do. Move on... sorry man.

Then again, maybe she wants him to fight for it and thats why she said it. Not that I'd personally want to be with someone who'd pull that kind of crap, but it does happen, and often. It would suck, but I'd be out the door without a second though.

This is the advise a very smart girl gave me when I first went to China.

DO NOT fool the girls.
If you fall in love with one of the girls, marry her and take her to America.
Do not let her life waste away while you play games.

quote Originally posted by theBDub: ......I just want an opinion from older men who've had young loves........

this sounds funny.

anyways - why not do both?

Whatever you decide. Drink some whiskey (preferably lots) first, it will make your decision making process much more clear.

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What would Paladin do?

quote Originally posted by theBDub: I just typed out a huge thing, but I don't really want an analysis of my situation--I just want an opinion from older men who've had young loves. If you want her... really like her and would do anything for her... and she wants to go... Do you fight for her, or do you let her go because that's what she wants? I want to fight for her. I know we would be happy together--it's just that the long-distance between us has taken its toll. However, I don't want to make this painful for her if she wants to walk away. What would/did you do? What are your suggestions?

What ages are we talking about? If she is in her early 20s, then she may not be ready for a serious relationship.
When you say "I know we would be happy together", that is the first mistake. YOU believe you two will be happy, but she may not feel that way. Keep the communication lines open and listen to each other.

Make sure you do this stuff face to face - sounds like half the issue was that you two are aprt and technology flubs made her freak out.

Maybe you can skype or something to keep the bond going... but honestly, life tosses MUCH harder crap at you then a weekend of phone tag.
Good luck.

I've had three major relationships, 2 marriages, not counting the current relationship.

I wasted a lot of time and put myself through a lot of emotional pain before I figured out that if the other party wants out then they are not as commited to the relationship as I was and no matter how much I "loved" them I could not make them "love" me back. Interesting sidenote, all three came back for seconds and thirds but eventually I turned them away because of their lack of commitment.

The woman I am with now is a friend first, it's a mutual relationship where neither of us "needs" the other, we enjoy each others company. Not the most "passionate" relationship I've ever been in but it's drama free and we both are happy with one another.

Don't be fooled by LUST, it is not "true love"!

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Dealing with failure is easy: work hard to improve. Success is also easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem, work hard to improve.

quote Originally posted by FieroRumor: Make sure you do this stuff face to face - sounds like half the issue was that you two are aprt and technology flubs made her freak out. Maybe you can skype or something to keep the bond going... but honestly, life tosses MUCH harder crap at you then a weekend of phone tag. Good luck.

Right. This isn't the end of the world... I just wanted some advice is all

I would like to Skype, but the big problem here is that I work from ~7AM-6PM. She works 4PM-10PM. I'm asleep when she gets home... Skype is hard to do.

I'll just keep the conversation honest and hope for the best. If she really wants to go, then that's what she feels is best so there isn't anything I would do to stop that.

quote Originally posted by theBDub: I don't know what she wants to do yet. We were fine-and-dandy just this weekend. But one of our cell phones didn't work Monday and Tuesday, and we weren't getting each other's texts. I just figured she was busy so she wasn't responding. She thought I was ignoring her... I tried calling multiple times, even left Facebook messages, but I don't think she noticed those either. She wants to "talk about things" today, and the way she was acting yesterday made me feel it was heading this direction. I think those couple of days really stressed her and so the full force of me being away hit her. I will let her go if that's really what she wants to do, but then what if she says "You never even cared enough to fight for me when I walked away?" Just don't wanna lose her over something stupid like that.

Based on the above post, this is 100% typical female behavior. You're gonna "lose" no matter what you do. Be prepared to deal with it for the rest of your life.

[This message has been edited by FrugalFiero (edited 07-28-2011).]

Let her go. Accept nothing less than her fighting for you.
So says this man whose wonderful wife got on her knees and proposed to me. She even payed for the marriage license, .
EDIT
I was surfing PFF at the time she proposed.

[This message has been edited by cliffw (edited 07-28-2011).]

I would tell her how I feel, but I wouldn't hold her back. If she wants to go, let her go. It's going to hurt, but it's going to hurt a LOT less than trying to hang on to someone that doesn't want to be there.

We talked just now.

Being away from each other has been hard... but I just let her know that I'm going to put more effort into keeping the communication there. She thinks it'll be equally hard when we're at different colleges, but our schools aren't very far apart, and while grades DO come first, I have no problem driving to see her any weekend if I don't have too many tests. Once I assured her that I'll be there and I want to make it work, she was happy. She just wanted to talk about it with me and I'm glad I know how she feels about it now.

Neither of us are clingy. Neither of us have to talk to the other one if we're busy. It's just hard having almost NO time to talk. Now, I'm going to make sure that we get more of that and I'm not going to take for granted how independent we each are.

It's a good thing we didn't break up... I wrote her a very romantic letter yesterday :P

Thanks for the advice. I just needed to be open and honest.

I know you don't care, but make sure it's an equal effort. What you are doing (work) currently is presumably going to be a large part of your life. Make sure that you don't cut out things that are important for your future to make a girl happy. If she really cares about you she will make sure your future is taken care of before her. There is a lot more to it, but that's bare basics.

Brad

quote Originally posted by twofatguys: I know you don't care, but make sure it's an equal effort. What you are doing (work) currently is presumably going to be a large part of your life. Make sure that you don't cut out things that are important for your future to make a girl happy. If she really cares about you she will make sure your future is taken care of before her. There is a lot more to it, but that's bare basics. Brad

Thanks Brad. That's good advice.

Thankfully I've put everything into this opportunity I'm in, and haven't been feeding any unhealthy habits or relationships. I'll keep that in mind as I grow and get closer to the people in my life.

quote Originally posted by twofatguys: I know you don't care, but make sure it's an equal effort. What you are doing (work) currently is presumably going to be a large part of your life. Make sure that you don't cut out things that are important for your future to make a girl happy. If she really cares about you she will make sure your future is taken care of before her. There is a lot more to it, but that's bare basics. Brad

Wow, that's some good stuff there.

During a relationship, you should do your best to make her feel wanted and needed. But once she decides to leave, let her go. If you "fight" to keep her, then anything bad that happens after that she will blame on you for making her stay in the relationship. Also, you don't want to get into the cycle where she threatens to leave the relationship to get what she wants.

I don't want to be with any woman that doesn't want to be with me.


.

do every thing to keep her ,you will be miserable while she is gone banging some one else,I demand you have 2 new girls to keep you company at times you can not be with her,, you need to get all the sexual experience you can ,,also date some clingy girls ,so thier is always a fishing hole available,.
HER NEW RELATIONSHIP WILL NOT LAST,, then she will know some new tricks
is her best friend still in your area??
..Every time I was dumped, I took consolation with other women,, remember a lot of girls you think of as a ball & chain are in reallity a Vicious spring loaded trap.
when I had a girl on the side it made my main relationship stronger
right now 17 year old girls are getting ready to pop up on your barely 18 radar WOWSA,Im jealous.
listen to mr. stiffy ,,alway right for young men
WHEN THE WRITTING IS ON THE WALL ?? GET SOME THING BOBING BETWEEN YOUR LEGS
a fool & his money were lucky to get together the first time..samo.samo girls

[This message has been edited by uhlanstan (edited 07-28-2011).]

I say walk, neither of you has grown into the person you will be. You like who she is now, but will the you you will become like the her she will become? Doubtful. Good luck though.

quote Originally posted by TommyRocker: I say walk, neither of you has grown into the person you will be. You like who she is now, but will the you you will become like the her she will become? Doubtful. Good luck though.

So... don't date until I'm dead.
Good to know

We never stop maturing and growing as a person. I know I will keep changing throughout my life, and my desires will change and my wanted characteristics in a woman will change. If we grow to a point that she isn't the woman I want, or our lives aren't compatible together, it'll be the end of the road. I haven't told her I love her--I won't do that until it's a promise. I like her a lot and would do anything for her now, and she likes me a lot and would do anything for me, which is why we're together.

No talks of forever. No talks of long-term. Just a hope that we will continue growing on the same path, and maybe one day find ourselves walking down the isle together. In the meantime, I'm going to have fun and not think of marriage. It's just me and her having a good time.

Walk find someone else... they when you least expect it, she'll come back to your town and stalk you.

At least thats what happened in my case. LOL!!

I knew I had the right girl the first time I got seriously ill. You learn things about who you are with the first time you are incapacitated. My soon to be wife at the time put my socks on for me because my feet were freezing, and the effort of doing that alone would have probably blacked me out. I was SICK... not just "sick".

She stuck with me, stuff before that and stuff after. Real love is allowing people to be who they are and not want to change them. Real love is sacrificing time and self to make that relationship work.. both people, not just one. Real love is understanding you are going to fail, and be willing to pick yourself up dust yourself off and try again. And again.Thats when you know its time to get married, when you have absolutely pissed your sig other off so bad, and making up is so sweet. Because you both want to, not fighting to keep someone around.

I have been with her 11 years and married for 6. There was no question whether she was right for me by the time we were married, we had been through so much at that point without driving each other off.. we both knew we were stuck with each other.

Good luck! Young loves seldom work out perfectly.. no matter how "perfect" she is, there will be tears.

quote Originally posted by tbone42: I knew I had the right girl the first time I got seriously ill. You learn things about who you are with the first time you are incapacitated. My soon to be wife at the time put my socks on for me because my feet were freezing, and the effort of doing that alone would have probably blacked me out. I was SICK... not just "sick". She stuck with me, stuff before that and stuff after. Real love is allowing people to be who they are and not want to change them. Real love is sacrificing time and self to make that relationship work.. both people, not just one. Real love is understanding you are going to fail, and be willing to pick yourself up dust yourself off and try again. And again.Thats when you know its time to get married, when you have absolutely pissed your sig other off so bad, and making up is so sweet. Because you both want to, not fighting to keep someone around. I have been with her 11 years and married for 6. There was no question whether she was right for me by the time we were married, we had been through so much at that point without driving each other off.. we both knew we were stuck with each other. Good luck! Young loves seldom work out perfectly.. no matter how "perfect" she is, there will be tears.

Good post tbone.

Love is a beautiful thing. I'm happy you found it

Click to show

[This message has been edited by Gokart Mozart (edited 07-28-2011).]

quote Originally posted by DRA: Don't be fooled by LUST, it is not "true love"!

Now you tell me. Dang, thirty years of lusting after the same woman.

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Ron

quote Originally posted by Gokart Mozart: Click to show

Why do you say that? Ha I overreacted... thought she wanted to break it up, but I was wrong. She just wanted to talk about her frustration with being so far away.
She missed me.

Thats good to hear.

quote Originally posted by theBDub: So... don't date until I'm dead. Good to know

It is the only true way to be safe....Women are the Devil.

Brad

quote Originally posted by theBDub: Why do you say that? Ha I overreacted... thought she wanted to break it up, but I was wrong. She just wanted to talk about her frustration with being so far away. She missed me.

Obviously, a typically female contrived "Test". You fell for it and reacted exactly as she hoped you would (should). You're done for.

The elders have spoken.
Mancard revoked for 60 days.

[This message has been edited by maryjane (edited 07-28-2011).]

quote Originally posted by maryjane: Obviously, a typically female contrived "Test". You fell for it and reacted exactly as she hoped you would (should). You're done for. The elders have spoken. Mancard revoked for 60 days.

QFT