Zombie Apocolypse Personal Survival. Or ZAPS. (Page 1/1)
weloveour86se OCT 21, 08:48 PM
We are very excited to present for the first time ever, anywhere in the world. This is a one of a kind deal. You WILL need this eventually. Lets face the facts. The odds are stacked against you. If you are ready you might have a better chance of enduring it all!

We here at ZAPS can prepare you!

Now I know, your thinking, there are already TONS of survival training classes and literature out there on how to live through the apocalypse. We understand that this has been covered immensely. Our training goes beyond that.

So we are proud to offer the first EVER, "How to survive after you have been bitten and turned. That is correct! We will teach you and your loved ones the skills needed to survive as a zombie!!

We cover all the basics in our first semester of training. When to duck/dodge, what to eat, when to heard and when to straggle and much more. The second semester covers even more in depth instruction like, running and climbing, dodging vehicles and zombie etiquette. Never mind the third semester of training which covers things like, how to open that pesky door, using basic tools and much more. our ZAPS training is so good that if you don't survive after being bitten and turning we will give you a full refund.

Sign up now as spaces are limited. These will go fast and you will regret not having the proper training when the time comes.

Don't be a clueless zombie!
drake87 NOV 18, 02:48 AM
I'm not buying it. When I turn into a zombie my life will be in chaos and I will most likely lose my receipt. I'm sure you're expecting this to happen, and, like most zombie survival schools, will not refund my money unless I produce proof of payment. How do you sleep comfortably at night running such a scam?
pontiackid86 NOV 20, 08:29 PM
Dose it work when your severely intoxicated walking (stummbeling in my case) around thinking you're hitting on pretty girls when in fact your mumbling and groaning like a zombie?

[This message has been edited by pontiackid86 (edited 11-20-2013).]

weloveour86se NOV 23, 07:37 PM

quote
Originally posted by drake87:

I'm not buying it. When I turn into a zombie my life will be in chaos and I will most likely lose my receipt. I'm sure you're expecting this to happen, and, like most zombie survival schools, will not refund my money unless I produce proof of payment. How do you sleep comfortably at night running such a scam?



Whoa whoa whoa!!


We here at ZAPS have you covered! Your purchase/purchases will be stored in our immense data base. In the unlikely event that you don't survive as a zombie after our full training your full tuition will be reimbursed upon your request. It is 100% refundable!! No need to worry about finding that darn receipt. Forget about carrying around some unneeded documents to prove you are actually the zombie you claim you are. We take care of all of that!

All of this information is covered in our Introductory to Survival as a Zombie 101 and much, much more! Don't be THAT zombie. You know the one that everyone hates because they are so misinformed. Don't be a brain dead walker. Learn to jog, run, jump and hop you way to easier meals, less herding, less gun fire and much, much more.

Finally. Rest and relief knowing you and your loved ones will live on and on as your annoying neighbors drop like walkers in front of a Gatlin gun. You'll be on Easy Street!!

Don't pass this chance to get the FULL training you need. This will be the LAST insurance plan you and your loved ones will EVER need!!
weloveour86se NOV 23, 07:40 PM

quote
Originally posted by pontiackid86:

Dose it work when your severely intoxicated walking (stummbeling in my case) around thinking you're hitting on pretty girls when in fact your mumbling and groaning like a zombie?




Were still testing this and make NO claims as to it's effectiveness against drunkenness. We are having trouble confirming results. Stay tuned as we continue to test this.

We also are always interested in Beta testers for this particular field of study. If you would like to submit yourself for testing please feel free to sign up. There are a limited number of spaces.
2.5 JAN 17, 12:36 PM
"eat brains"