The Joke Thread (Page 29/36) Valkrie9 MAR 26, 06:29 AM Valkrie9 MAR 26, 06:34 AM Antarctic Crash Landing ! ' Hmmn.. I think I am in big trouble ! ' Valkrie9 MAR 26, 06:38 AM Messing with the wildlife, in a friendly way. shemdogg MAR 26, 08:56 PM I have so much respect for male to female trans I mean, that surgery takes balls. That joke is just nuts. --------------------------- How does Darth Vader eat with a mask on? He force feeds himself. -------------------------- My anxiety gets really bad when I drive over bridges My therapist says I have truss issues. ------------------------- Politics is the art of looking for trouble, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies. ---------------------- You want to confiscate American guns? How about taking them from criminals? You know, like a test run? ----------------------- Members of Congress should be required to wear uniforms like NASCAR race drivers so we can identify their corporate sponsors. ------------------------- NSA: A government agency that actually listens to you. --------------------------- Bill Clinton, George W Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship. Washington shouts, "save the women," Bush hollers, "screw the women, Clinton asks excitedly, "do we have time?" ----------------------------- My cat takes notes at meetings. He uses scratch pads. --------------------------- I used to be a watch repairman. I worked around the clock. --------------------------- Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors? If it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan! -------------------------- What's the difference between death and taxes? Congress doesn't meet every year to make death worse. --------------------------- What's the difference between baseball and politics? In baseball you're out if you're caught stealing. ----------------------------- My daughter asked me.... ...do all fairy tales begin with "once upon a time"? I told her no. Most of them begin with "if elected to office I promise". ---------------------------- School Best Sellers... Walking To School The First Day Back by Misty Bus The Day The Car Pool Forgot Me by I. Rhoda Bike Can't See The Chalkboard by Sidney Backrow Practical Jokes I Played On The First Day Of School by Major Crackupp What I Dislike About Returning To School by Mona Lott Making It Through The First Week Of School by Gladys Saturday Is Life Over When Summer Ends? by Midas Welbee What I Love About Returning To School by I. M. Kidding Will Jimmy Finally Graduate? by I. Betty Wont What Happens When You Get Caught Skipping School by U. Will Gettitt --------------------------------- I'm into fitness I'm fitn'iss hamberger into my mouf. -------------------------------- Two Irish nuns were sitting in their car at a traffic light when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulled up alongside. "Hey, show us your tits you bloody penguins!" shouted one of the drunks. The Mother Superior turns to Sister Margaret and says "I don't think they know who we are. Show them your cross!" So Sister Margaret rolls down her window and shouts, "Sod off you little focking wankers before I get out and rip your gotdam balls off!" Sister Margaret looks back at the Mother Superior and asks, "Was that cross enough?" -------------------------------- The media never quotes Biden out of context because most of what he says is unintelligible. ------------------------------ A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends came to visit and asked if the ranch had a name. "Well," said the would-be-cattleman. "I wanted to call it the Bar-J. My wife favored the Suzy-Q. One son liked the Flying-W, and the other son wanted the Lazy-Y. So, we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y Ranch." "But where are all your cattle?" "So far, none have survived the branding." -------------------------------- There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft writing error messages. ---------------------------------- shem Valkrie9 MAR 30, 03:44 AM Shane Gillis Valkrie9 MAR 31, 04:52 AM I'm sure it's funny, I'll watch it later to see if I'm amused. Valkrie9 APR 03, 10:23 AM You will find them at the protests, deluded, demented, drugged, their intent is to devour you. ' Remove the head, or, destroy the brain ! ' ~ Shaun of the Dead Zombies, one mile ! Do not attempt to forgive your loved ones, bash them without remorse ! maryjane APR 03, 10:29 AM Double tap! Valkrie9 APR 03, 10:38 AM Two Times They're the best of pals ! Valkrie9 APR 03, 10:47 AM