Ok here it is.....
A lot has transpired over the past few weeks, most of which has made me think hard, dig deep, and ask myself who I actually am. I've spent countless hours discussing things with my Dad and friends, prayed, thought some more, dreamed, and then talked again. It is clear to me now, it's something that I should have done a long, long time ago. I used to know myself, end for end thought for thought, I knew what I felt, I often just sat and wondered, but things unfortunately change sometimes, but not anymore. I've reached deep, and I know everything, why, when, how it started, and just what I have to do, where I want to get back too and what I'm about to do to get there.
This actually goes much farther back than months, and years. This all started way earlier, back before the Fiero and the arguments.
I know why I love the Fiero, how I could love such a little sometimes devious car that was built by a company I never liked. To like a car that I never had know, to love a car that none of my family had ever mentioned or driven. Why? Because of it's inspiring nature and legacy. This car never was put into my mind by someone with allot of money into it or someone who is a die hard Fiero fanatic. It was put there by people who drove them once, in the years past, and then never forgot about it and bragged about it because it was different. It was because of the people who had an idea, of what different was, and how they wanted to put their ideas into it, to build a car that had never been built before, to build something unique, to drive something unique.
I spent my entire 15th and 16th years researching this car, I got hooked, my parents wondered, "How did you learn about this car." I'd remember the MR2, which when I was a kid was the ultimate car, better than anything, awesome, stunning, and gorgeous. And then I remember seeing my first Fiero, poor old car, even though it was beaten and destroyed, I remember looking down out of my grandparents car and seeing that dash, orange lights, and tinted windows, WOW. I was 14, but I had no idea what the car was, or how many there actually were. But when I got older, and I knew that I was going to need a car, I saw a potential, the Fiero. From what I'd read, "you can fix it, build it, customize it, and love it, and there is nothing else like it". I began reading. One year later, and about almost everything stored up top, I finally found a Fiero. A red 2m6, all option, sitting in my father's mechanic's backyard yard, hidden away. Every time I went to get the Sebring worked on I'd be in that car, looking at the engine, crawling underneath it. I had to have one, I'd always now how to fix things and now was my chance to own an Actual RED two seater muscle car, that I already knew so much about. Eight months later, having gone to the mechanic ever week, going outside to see my future car, and waiting on the DMV to process everything, we found out that we had been lied too. The mechanic had never even filed the paperwork. I was crushed. Time for autotrader (that Fiero still sits there to this day. RIP)
Ohio. A purple Formula, 5speed. Complete suspension rebuild. Wow look at those wheels. More phone calls. Pulling everything out of savings that I could spend and then calling him one last time. "See you in one week." A 500 mile drive. Was it worth it to see this car on the busy road front apartment lawn, YOU BET! It was awesome, not like the other Fiero, no this one was special. No cat, racing seats, black interior, a beautiful sounding car, stiff suspension, this was a high powered car. And it still is. 500 miles back home with a busted hydraulic master, not having the clutch engaging half of the time on a 500 mile trip can be a problem sometimes, thank god for a father who knows how to drive well. And then it came home! My pride and joy, it was mine, I had paid for it, I had gone up to get it, it was my family's now, and they had helped me get the greatest project of my life and supported me getting this puppy roadworthy.
It started simple, fixing the hydraulics, which took months and daily trips to Advance Auto to talk with the manager about it (my boss now). Apparently they saw something special in a 16 year old boy who was so ambitious to take the car apart and put it back together, a car that most older men said was a deathtrap. One thing after another, I repaired everything, read through the Haynes manuals several times for fun and then started researching everything. Some things a 16 year old just can't do, like extract a stripped caliper bolt with a rod and weld. I picked the wrong guy to do it, and he destroyed my clutch plate on a joy ride/ test drive. So here it is, time to get dirty. Despite everyone saying that I should save the money, even my father saying "let the pro's fix this one." This 16 year old boy was going to learn everything he could about how to do this. It took 2 months that first go around. I did everything in my garage, with my own bought set of sears tools. I called Chris West, visited so many places for parts, picked up tips and tricks. Put the thing back together and it wouldn't engage. After talking with Chris for a good while he said it best, "Grit your teeth, go back out there and pull it back apart. Patience is a virtue, one that I had to learn the hard way. IT took 2 days the next time, literally, 2 helpers and an entire weekend but I did it.
How many people do you know who have decided to tackle pulling an engine out of a car on their own determination and despite what others have said, and then put it back in successfully? Not to brag, but I hold myself I high regard for this, most 16 year olds don't know how to change a set of brake pads, but I read and studied and did it. It all been uphill from here. I've done almost everything to my car and I'm proud to say that.
I guess I really don’t love my Fiero for what it is, I love it because of what it has made me, what it has taught me. I will never be able to repay it or thank it, I just have to love it and say good things about it.
I came to this thread hoping to find others like me, I thought that the reason that I had joined this club later on and had spent many hours here was too get a little bit more from it, something like I had experienced, to maybe learn even more. Granted I have learned allot from people here, but I was wrong. This forum will never bring me the joy that I have found in working on my car, it will never be able to substitute for it. I thought that maybe I could find someone here, someone who felt the same way, and someone to share stories with and to swap ideas with. I now realize.....
Even though I have probably spent over an hour each and every day here for the past year and a bit before that, I have never been as happy as I first was, as proud of myself as I was back then. I know now that swapping stories and ideas, is the very thing that I hate most, it's like giving a small piece of yourself away, and letting someone else copy you, and that takes away from the idea of it in the first place. Many people have an agenda here, many are simply here for entertainment. I see now that the people who choose too build these cars and learn about them aren't on this forum, they're googling "Fiero", learning everything that they can. I see a new crowd of people come through here ever month or so. Sardonyx reminded me of this the other day in the chat room, the guys who build these things and love them aren't here on the forum talking about them. They're out enjoying them, driving them.
I finally realize that I don't need a forum, or members, or ratings, or online "friends" (which really aren't your friends to begin with.) I need a life, one where I still love my Fiero, but I'm not wasting my time here listening to others stories or telling people here what I think. I need to get back out into the world and think about what I'm doing and enjoy it. I don't need anyone here, I never did and I never will. No one can ever take my hard work and pride from me, NO ONE. I don't have to be in a club to drive my car around or to go outside and build something unique for it. I meet people all the time who used to Drive the Fiero, and they always say "I got into something else, but I always remember it." One man I know, who used to drive a Fiero speaks to me about what I've done with it, where I want to go with it, what things that I've done to the car that are creative, and so forth. This man drives $80,000 dollar cars, lives in a huge house right down the street from me, and is a guy at the top of Sara Lee. He brags on me for what I've done, and encourages my ideas, and pushes me. He has never asked if I'm a part of the Fiero club or who else I know who drives one, because that's how it is, I drive a Fiero because it's a Fiero that I've built. And the sad thing is that it wasn't the Fiero guys who encouraged me, but someone I at first never even knew. This is how I want to be. I want to be worth a damn, not be part of a damn club, full of snobs and assholes.
This all came to me after I publicly posted something that would basically insult a member to their face. I thought that I could organize a meeting and invite people who also wanted to enjoy the Fiero with others, not just share a drink and a laugh with the same old crowd. I spent a week trying to organize this, and every time it looked hopeful, someone would stir something up.
It happened at 2am, up studying for a pre-calculus test, when I stop and browse the forum quickly and see what a member has posted. "I don't care if your family will not meet us at the usual spot, I'm not going to allow you to change it just to accommodate them", is the just of what was said. Pretty strong words for a guy who buys his Fiero at the same time that I've bought mine back some 2 years ago. Well I snapped, and wrote some pretty nasty things back, publicly. I don't really like it when people tell me I can't do something because of my age, it kind of gets to me. So the just of the massage was: "I don't care if you've spent as much as you have wastefully to have someone else put your car together for you, it gives you no more right than I to try to organize something." The message was much more crude, I was running on no sleep for almost 30 hours, and I had just been told to piss off, because this person didn't really care what I wanted to do...
I was writing a second message, one that was much longer like this one, and one that was much more affective at shooting this guy down when I realized something. "How the hell have I come this far?" Why does this guy matter to you, what's he worth? Why would you stoop as low as to shoot something back to him? It's like my father has been telling me ever since. Yes he may be an ******* , but you don't have to tell him that. I've learned allot from this: grow up and let by-gones be by-gones, and secondly be the better man.
I deleted these posts, it was a bad idea, and what did I have to prove anyway? That he was a jerk, heck he can prove that on his own, he's doing a great job of it. Well he seems to think that by ending it there and erasing my posts that I am a coward or a young child. And so....
The following morning, tired and worn out I get a phone call. It's the guy that I had insulted. He wants to speak wit my mother. No you moron your quarrel is with me fool not my mother. I think my dad has already left for work but he hasn't, so I tell him he's not home. Realize that he is at home still. Hang up on him, go and tell my father what has happened etc. He says to let him hear the guy out next time he calls. He calls back tiredly I try to get rid of him of but my mom picks up and this guy starts talking, so I figure hell I've got 15 minutes before school starts, let's see what happens. My father listens to him ramble on and on, calling me a liar, telling my father that I have insulted him and his friends, etc etc. So he tells my father he wants to have a meeting about it, "No I don't think so" says my father goodbye. Later that night we talk. I tell him about what all he's said and stirred up, and My dad reminds me of who I am and why I shouldn't even care. I show him the thread. Both of my parents are amazed and my mothers about ready to tell him off. My father posts back about how the situation is going to hell over something as petty as this, and that the entire thing is a simply power struggle b/w older guys and younger. The insulted member then replies back that he considers my fathers apology weak and pitiful. And then I take a long week to think about what's happened.
I now know that no car club is worth this, and if this is how a Fiero club member acts I want no part of any of it. I've had enough of it all. I've wasted to much time here and I see that now. I need to actually get back to the basics and what I originally loved this car for. I'm leaving this forum and I'm never joining another, this is all a tremendous amount of wasted time, and all for what? It’s time to actually be a "man" and live a life that's meaningful.
Robert Verhalen- The apology that you thought so lame, was in fact no apology. There will never be one either, both of my parents sighed in disgust at the way that you acted. I've printed the entire thread and shown it to countless people, and they all think your the biggest baby that they have ever read of or heard of, and my mother says that you are one of the most immature individuals that she has ever heard of, just encase you missed harassing a women. I've had many men if you want to call them that ridicule you and scorn you. Most of the people I consider successful and wise men, and the others very dignant women. I take pride in the fact that I could erase my post in honest knowledge of my mistake, but you've posted almost 3 other posts trying to shoot back at me, and it would seem your actions speak much less than your words. I honestly think it quite amusing that a 40 year old man would take the time that you have to insult back a "childish" 18 year old such as myself. I thank you sincerely though, you have taught me allot these past few weeks: The pen is more powerful than the sword; Some people need to just be left alone, it isn't worth it; and finally how to read the true character of a man, and how to react accordingly. I never came to you for help with my P/windows because I couldn't manage to connect four wires, two switches, and two regulators together; but rather because I thought it would be fun experience to share with someone who had the same interest. It seems kind of odd that I can rip the engine and tranny out, but can't manage to wire a simple ground power circuit, which I did end up doing myself if you remember. Thanks for all of the "trash" that you gave also; I'm glad you didn't throw it all away.
Carolina Fiero Club / Tar heel Fiero association- Enjoy your meet at Hooters on the 23, sound like you all actually decided to eat somewhere else after you "got rid of me". I hope that the 5 people going have a good ol’ time at such a wonderful restaurant with such great food. Opposed to the 15 or so people that would have been coming to Chili's had you actually known when to agree and just come and have fun. Your clubs will not last forever, as I can see that certain individuals are just sucking up to the others in order to be a part of the group, maybe all of you more "experienced" members will be able to hold your 5 lousy selves together.
Penoocks Fiero Forum- I've done my thing, I've given what I've known, and I'm tired of chatting here. I wish no one ill will, but sometimes won't you all sit back and think about what there is left in life, and how short a time we have left. Do something with the time you have left, go do something you will never forget. Build a memory with a loved one that they will tell their grandchildren about, go live life to the fullest. And as always drive naked in your Fiero, "life's short".
Thank you Cliff Pennock for building this site. There is a great number of wonderful people here who simply want to make the Fiero a better car, and to inspire one another. I hope that you get all of the return back from your hard efforts. Also sometimes life is “Fair” , and I know that despite loosing your brother in 05, you will have an abundant return from all of those that you have inspired.
Goodnight everyone. Fiero X, Soulcrusher, Little Devil and Fieromaster: keep on building the magic.
Signing off- Paul Haskins (Emc209i)
------------------
<--- smiley to make you giggle.
not me.
You can check out, but you can never leave.
