I found this thread and immediately said a prayer, but didn't post because I didn't know what to say. I'm glad things turned out well and I wish you and your family F-I-E-R-O the very best. Support is what you need most and it looks like you've got alot of that from your family and friends both locally and here on the forum.

I don't know you personally either, but I think I echo the sentiments of alot of people who feel as if PFF is more of a family than just a collection of internet surfers. We care about each other's lives and have offered of ourselves when the need calls for it. The fact that you reached out and posted here goes to show that you think of this as a family as well. We're all pulling for you man. If--no when you need anything, don't hesitate to call on us.

--Tress

OK, time to eat a little crow... Mizer, thanks for getting my address ad info out there, I really appreciate the effort of so many people. I never thought I would see something from Ken W, and with nothing much to say- am I really back or is this some sort of parallel universe? I have a new prescription called Lamictal that I started. Since last Sat, I have had these dizzy spells that come about usually when I put my head down while standing or when laying down. I stopped taking the Lamictal (100mg) after reading the warning on the label that states it can cause dizziness... Any way, the dizziness has begun to go away and I think I'll start taking them Mon or Tues. If they start to bother me again, then I'll talk to the Dr. that prescribed them (he initially told me that there would be no noticeable effects) how I feel and try something else.

I really like the idea of starting a new forum where people can go to discuss these kinds of things, I am starting to consider a name for it- the last thing I want to do is use my own name, how pretentious and grandiose would that be! But, something that says hope, help, understanding, welcome, which passes no judgments and has no prejudgices... I'm open to ideas and really look forward to hearing yours- even the from Lexan guy...

ps, I was thinking that the site could be set up much like PFF, with places for people to find good information, be able to download important tools like something I'm working on which is kind of like a "Life Contract" that a person would have to fill out PSA (post suicide attempt). I think I couild really be a great place! I don't care if there is one out there already, I want something that has the flavor of PFF, that we can take pride in as ours.

Perhaps the dizziness is in part because your body is getting used to the meds.

Speaking from my personal experience with antidepressants and also having worked in the medical field for the last 20yrs, I can tell you this;
There are quite a few different antidepressants and combinations of those available. If one doesn't work, or, you don't like the side effects, immediately contact your physician and ask to be changed to another. It is NOT safe to start and stop these medications whenever you feel like it. Some need to be tapered off slowly and going off cold turkey can in some cases throw you into a terrible depressive episode which may be worse than the one you are trying to treat. Please communicate with the prescibing physician anytime you feel like making a change--he/she will not mind and should be happy to help you find what will work best for you. Sometimes it takes a while to find the one which will work best for you.
I wish you the best of luck and God bless you.
Jeff

Thanks Jeff, I'm making the call as we speak (write...)

quote Originally posted by jeffndebrus: Some need to be tapered off slowly and going off cold turkey can in some cases throw you into a terrible depressive episode which may be worse than the one you are trying to treat. . Jeff

You are not kidding there.Especially if you have a bunch of undue stress at the wrong time then you can really have troubles.Best bet is to stay on top of it and not slack off.Diligence is the best option.After awhile things seem ok and you won't want to take care of business but believe me you need to take care of business.

Welcome back! It will be a long hard road but just remember, as everyone says, we're here for you!

Jen

Hey Andrew I don't know you or your problems and since i'm not charging and you are not paying here is a little something that helps me out.
I will just open up word pad and start writing and writing.I normally don't start out with anything but after a bit a it actually starts to form a direction.Mostly gibberish but more often than not I will put my thoughts down in form of a poem.it really helps me clear out the voices and focus on one.Mostly I just delete everything as it is kind of symbolic of the problem and it means i'm done with that problem and I threw it away.Sometimes I write about on going problems or thoughts and they are not going to go away and it helps if you have someone close to you to send those to.Then you have a problem or concern that you don't feel alone with.
Hey these are just goofy things I do.Take em or leave em they are not worth much and they cost even less.
Meds won't fix all problems and sometimes the best help come from yourself.
I guess I have issues cause I have written hundreds of these....

As if looking from the sky I see the world as clean.
As though looking through a filter just to see the beauty of the scene.
The flash of a thought can kill your fragile mind
All your strength crumbles everything seems unkind
It takes so very little to show you life is mean
And oh so little more to make your will for life seem obcene
Emotions are tender like leaves in the frost
like all your wants and needs so easily lost
Few are lucky enough to have soulmates to help cope
for without their borrowed strength you would slip away without hope
Not everyone it seems struggles with these thoughts in their keep
Maybe they know it isn't safe to delve very deep
Your soul is down there and maybe shouldn't be sought
The battle for that prize is always being fought
Andrew Villasenor

Thank you Andrew. For everyone out there, if it was written by an Andrew, you know it's important!

quote Originally posted by pokeyfiero: So are you going to kill yourself or what? If thats the plan hit me up in a PM cause I got a bunch of krazy ideas we should try first.

Pokey your sick

Yay!! Glad to see your back and doing better Andrew
Hope you enjoyed the goodies we sent ya.
Look forward to seeing you posting regularly on here again.

Steve

quote Originally posted by netpro55: Pokey your sick

You have no idea what you are talking about.
Also you have no idea what I was talking about.Your level of interest just to tell me I am sick tells me everything I need to know about how much thought you gave it before you posted.You have not the slightest inkling into my mind or my intentions and it should have been obvious to you not to make a fool of yourself.

Welcome back F-I-E-R-O

Glad you got pulled back from the brink and are putting up a guardrail. I second the idea that you need to have a serious talk with doctors on side effects of any meds you are/were on. Suicide/paranoia/unusual character shifts are not uncommon, so if someone is seeing something like that in you and mentions it... see a doctor even if you disagree. I like the note to yourself idea, and the idea of making a contract with yourself. I have nothing show it could help, but it sounds good, bounce the idea off your doctors/counselors and see if that is a 'tool' that may help you in the future.

Best wishes for you and your family... I hope this event brings you all a bit closer together rather than causing any rifts.

F-I-E-R-O

I have been following this thread closely, and although I do not know you, I am glad to see that you are posting again. You may or may not be familiar with one of my heroes. R. Buckminster Fuller, or "Bucky" Fuller. I have attempted to read his Synergetics books, but they are way over my head, and I really think they are both way, way ahead of their time. I copied and pasted this synopsis of one of the defining moments in his life. He is gone now, from natural causes, but I think he is one of the greatest geniuses to ever live. I also think that his writings will find new audiences in the future as technology develops further and further. You may wish to read some of his less technically intensive works. The synergetic geometry fries my noodle everytime.

I cannot remember the title of the book that goes into more detail, but it may be "Spaceship Earth" by R. Buckminster Fuller.

Sorry if the below is not punctuated too well, as the original was an http open of a pdf document.
*************************************************************************

In 1927, R. Buckminster (“Bucky”) Fuller was a failed businessman who was drinking too much, de-pressed about the death of his first daughter, andworried about how to take care of his family.That winter, while living in Chicago, he walkedout to Lake Michigan to throw himself into itsicy waters. “I said to myself, ‘I’ve done the bestI know how and it hasn’t worked. I guess I’mjust no good,’” he remembered. Fuller gavehimself a choice: jump or think. He stood on thelakeshore for hours, finally deciding that he didn’thave the right to kill himself. And so began Fuller’s ca-reer as an inventor, thinker, and futurist.From that point on, Fuller thought of his life as an experiment de-signed to discover what he could “do effectively on behalf of all humanity thatcould not be accomplished by great nations, great religions or private enter-prise.” He christened himself “Guinea Pig B” (B for Bucky) and started “think-ing about our total planet Earth and thinking realistically about how to operateit on an enduringly sustainable basis as the magnificent human-passengeredspaceship that it is.” The results of Fuller’s lifelong experiment include the ge-odesic dome, new types of houses and cars, and a new kind of geometry. Un-derlying all of his work was the profound realization he had come to that nightin Chicago, that he could “find ways of giving human beings more energy-effective” systems and machines that would create a higher quality of livingfor everyone. “Under those more favorable physical circumstances,” hewrote, “humans would dare to be less selfish and more genuinely thought-ful toward one another.”Anyone who had watched Fuller growing up would have been surprisedat his desperate circumstances in 1927. Richard Buckminster Fuller, Jr., wasborn in 1895 to a wealthy and long-established Massachusetts family. Al-though his father died in 1907, Bucky had an active and fairly happy childhood.

****************************************************************************************

As could be assumed of someone who has gone through what I have recently, I've been doing some thinking... One of the things that I have really struggled with is what to do with myself. I've often thought about helping others, but never really thought of myself as someone qualified. I think I am reaching the point of being qualified, basically for being a "survivor," and having what I consider a modicum of intelligence with the ability to analyze and understand things that some can not. Though performing this process on myself can be somewhat detrimental to my health, offering to help someone else who has had a "rough life" (been there) and needs someone who understands from experience other than a text book just might be up my ally. Still need to figure some things out about myself, get the chemical things worked out, and figure out how to earn a living doing this thing- well, one thing at a time.

As I've written some of you recently, I still can't get over how lucky I am to have found all of you and continue to be able to share what I do with you. I feel I need to share something that would have been very strange for me to think or express before is this: I love you guys. It's one thing to write something like this, but it's another to actually experience the compassion and very real sense of caring found here. I read and reread the remarks left here, and of course I go back to the forum and read the responses left by others to those who are looking for information or guidance. Get come comic relief reading posts from someone looking for some attention or just wanting to share a humorous moment, and even those who need help photoshoping a friends forklift (WTH is that all about- the funny thing is some people actually took the time to do the work and I took the time to keep checking on their progress!). This is a great community, with wonderful people.

You should all give yourselves your best imaginary hug, you really deserve it. Thanks for being a part of my life.

WOW. How did I miss this? This has to be the craziest thing on PFF.

Glad you'r back! Keep your head up!

------------------
-Chris -
Custom Gun Metal 86 GT 4.9 V8 5spd

Build up tread or MODS w/ Pics

Well, thanks for drudging this old thing back up Black-Azz-GT!

First, I'd like those of you who wrote and sent money (ok, maybe there wasn't any money really sent) to know that I think of you often. I've thought about sitting down and sending you PM's to say thanks again and to let you how things are going but somehow it seems kind of hard to find the words. Things are going somewhat better now, I'm not feeling as depressed as before partly due to some mood stabilizing prescriptions I've been taking and mostly due to my wife, my daughter and our families. Almost everyone has been very supportive and understanding, which is a big help. One of the hardest things I have to deal with right now is finding employment. Besides that, I've been going to some meetings 4 times a week for people with dual recovery issues and have a good psychiatrist and psychologist.

One of the things that helps me to keep my spirits up is having fun here on the forum. I realize that many of you may think that I'm somewhat disturbed based on some of the things I post here on the forum, I have to wonder myself. At least it keeps me from acting like that around my wife and daughter (well, not always...). My daughter and I had a conversation tonight about something that happened in school. We discussed it and came up with a plan that will help her the next time she finds herself in the same situatuation. I asked her if there was anything else on her mind and she hesitated telling me she did but wan't sure how I would react. I told her she sould ask me anything, and she asked me about when I left the house on that sat. and why did I feel I had to do what I did. I explained how I was feeling and how sometimes people become so depressed about how they feel about themselves, and about how things are going that they feel that they would be doing themselves and others a favor by not being around anymore. She told me that NOT having me around would tear her and mommy apart, and that nothing could ever be so terrible that we couldn't get through it because we are a family. We also discussed how sometimes there is something more than how a person feels that would make them not want to be around any more. That sometimes people have chemical imbalances that a doctor can help with through medication.

To this day, I consider myself living my second life. My first one wasn't so great, here's my chance to make my second one better. It still boggles my mind that a friend of the family found me, and that I found myself alive in a hospital where I later found out that I was an hour from death. I remember distinctly nothing but blackness- no dreams, no white light, nothing. Then waking up in the intensive care unit with my arms strapped to a bed, a tube down my throat to help me breath and only wearing a hospital gown. This is not an experience I want to go through again. They must have really filled me up with charcoal because it took 4 days before my p**p had a hint of brown in it- solid black for 4 days. That in itself was a little unnerving.

So, here I am- I've begun the process of healing, determined to do what I can to make things better and easier for me and my family. I spent three days out in Ohio helping my dad and his wife pack and load a 26' truck that her son will drive to their new home in Fla., but I've got to say that after kissing my wife and daughter when I got home late sat night, the first thing I really wanted to do was get on my computer to see what was happening here. Thanks to all of you for being who you are. I have had a great time here and am thankful to be accepted here and to be a part of such a wonderful extended family.

Wow, I'm speechless. I've never seen a forum more devoted to its members. This has to be the most amazing thread I have ever read. Glad you are doing ok F-I-E-R-O. Glad to see your life is being straightened out. Good luck with what ever comes at you in the future.

-David

I second that 'Wow!'

I'm just glad you're still here!

I'm glad this thread came back up. I saw the first part, and Linda's posts, but was out of town when Andrew came back and began posting, so I kind of forgot about this. I don't think that I posted in the first two pages--really didn't know what to say, but I was praying.

I'd just like to say thanks Andrew for updating everyone on your situation, and being so open and honest. It's great to see the community pull together and really make a difference in someone's life, and really great to see that you're getting the help that you need, and hanging in there. Just take it one day at a time, and never forget what you mean to your wife and daughter. I don't know you, but you're still in my prayers buddy.

Andrew Larsen

When you are feeling down, just think of my "picture".
It COULD be worse!

(oh, I WILL get you back!)

Like many on here, just seeing for the first time today.

Thank God for many actions that took place (forum) and you are still here. Very amazed how this all happened and how many people came together to help. Just unbelievable.

I wish you and your family a brighter future and just keep loving each other.

Mike

I have been in a transitional state for some time, new job, new state, etc... So I haven't been on the net much.
This is the first time that I have seen this thread, i'm glad that you put out a call for help, and glad that others responded.

It sounds like you have a wonderful wife and an equally wonderful daughter, that is something that many people never have the opportunity to experience, you have everything in the world to live for!

Job well done by forum members even the one from Salinas!

Alls well that Endswell in NY..