This breaks my heart... Nobody stood up for her... and now she's dead. And the pricks in her school(s) are probably happy. That's what I don't get. How can you hate somebody so much because of how they dress/act/look? We're all human beings here.
Sad video but even more pathetic is the parent who does nothing until it is too late. If my kids get bullied in school, I make an appearance and straighten things out myself. This is another reason why I feel social websites like Facebook and Myspace are complete bullshit and why I have better things to do than post every time I take a crap or make a move.
Sad video but even more pathetic is the parent who does nothing until it is too late. If my kids get bullied in school, I make an appearance and straighten things out myself. This is another reason why I feel social websites like Facebook and Myspace are complete bullshit and why I have better things to do than post every time I take a crap or make a move.
How are we supposed to know if you wiped or not if you don't post it on Facebook?!?
Sad video but even more pathetic is the parent who does nothing until it is too late. If my kids get bullied in school, I make an appearance and straighten things out myself. This is another reason why I feel social websites like Facebook and Myspace are complete bullshit and why I have better things to do than post every time I take a crap or make a move.
With the bullies or the administration?
With 8 year olds... okay - I understand... with teenagers? Guarantee the bullying will get worse after any confrontations.
She also moved at least twice. I think that's about all you can do as a parent...... Although I certainly would have curtailed any facebook use. But that would be like forbidding cell phone use - impossible with the younger generations.
Wow. Just so much there. Obviously she brought much of it onto herself when she decided to flash on the webcam. There's no doubt she didn't deserve the abuse she got after, but the one thing I keep seeing there is that she would move, but keep going back to Facebook. It seems to me if she had just closed her Facebook account and stayed off there altogether all of this would have been avoided. I blame parents for not instilling more self confidence in their kids. Kids who are confident and assertive don't get bullied. Parents need to stop coddling their kids so much and learn them some coping skills.
But yeah, definitely heartbreaking. Hard to tell much from that video but she certainly looked to be a beautiful young girl, truly a shame.
Wow. Just so much there. Obviously she brought much of it onto herself when she decided to flash on the webcam. There's no doubt she didn't deserve the abuse she got after, but the one thing I keep seeing there is that she would move, but keep going back to Facebook. It seems to me if she had just closed her Facebook account and stayed off there altogether all of this would have been avoided. I blame parents for not instilling more self confidence in their kids. Kids who are confident and assertive don't get bullied. Parents need to stop coddling their kids so much and learn them some coping skills.
But yeah, definitely heartbreaking. Hard to tell much from that video but she certainly looked to be a beautiful young girl, truly a shame.
I'm sorry but I'm going to have to disagree. She was too young when this began to have established that kind of self confidence. Things aren't how they were when we were younger. The sphere of influence is much larger and much more powerful. She was too young to know what could have happened by giving in to the pressure. If that had happened when we were young, it would have had consequences but they wouldn't have been anywhere near as severe as what she described, and she would have been able to get away from them once she moved. As parents we're ill-equipped to deal with these scenarios if we don't even understand the extent of them either. The truth is, we're out of touch with what it's like to grow up in the information age, and how influential it can be.
The girl made a mistake, as did her parents, but it shouldn't even be hinted at to have blame put on them for the cost of her life. Why wasn't the person who stalked her put in jail? I don't say this lightly, but if it were my 13 year old, he never would have even made it to jail. It's one thing to solicit an under-age girl for nude pics on the web (still illegal), but to stalk and taunt her? Yeah he would have been dealt with, regardless of his age. This scares the hell out of me as a parent of a teenage girl. We had an incident recently where a boy a couple of years older tried to get her to text him nudes of herself. We found the text by accident, but what if we hadn't? How far would it have gone before she said something to us? She had said no, but he was trying to wear her down. She had only met him on Friday and we found these texts on Monday morning. It can happen THAT quick, and it was her first real contact with a boy like this.
This girl and her family are victims. I don't see any reason to even entertain anything like "she should have known better" at this point. The parents didn't know better as they didn't have this kind of exposure or pressure on them when they were that age. ALL parents are denial parents until they're disillusioned. Sorry, not trying to be confrontational, but this hit a nerve with me. I hope no offense is taken to my differing opinion.
No, I don't take offense. What I'll say though, is that it seems it's popular these days to lay the responsibility for everything that happens to us on someone else. It's always "someone elses" fault. I just don't buy it. A parent who doesn't notice things going on with their kid isn't paying attention. And to me, a parent who's in denial is still culpable. It makes no sense to me to suggest that one can be in denial, and then use that as an excuse to lay the responsibility at someone elses feet. This girl tried to kill herself twice before, she was cutting and involved in other forms of self abuse. She obviously wasn't trying to hide it too much. Hell, she made a youtube video that cried for help FIVE WEEKS before she killed herself. Just how in denial did her parents have to be? Why were they allowing her to be on Facebook after the hell it was causing her? And I also don't buy the "too young" argument. I know a lot of kids younger than her who have more self confidence than most adults I've met. And they are like that because their parents instilled it in them. Now, just because a parent may not know HOW to do that, again, it's not an excuse to blame someone else. I don't mean to come off as callous. I can't imagine the heartbreak these parents must be feeling. But an ounce of prevention and all that jazz. And it's pointless for people to continually blame others for their own misfortunes. Change will only come when one assumes responsibility for their own actions. Blaming the people who bullied her won't bring her back. It also won't prevent bullying in the futurre. But you can make sure you're own kids won't be bullied by giving them the confidence and assertiveness to stand up for themselves and not allow the bullying to effect them like this. Start developing self confidence in your kids from the day they are born, and you'll avoid this kind of scenario every time.
[This message has been edited by Taijiguy (edited 10-12-2012).]
No, I don't take offense. What I'll say though, is that it seems it's popular these days to lay the responsibility for everything that happens to us on someone else. It's always "someone elses" fault. I just don't buy it. A parent who doesn't notice things going on with their kid isn't paying attention. And to me, a parent who's in denial is still culpable. It makes no sense to me to suggest that one can be in denial, and then use that as an excuse to lay the responsibility at someone elses feet. This girl tried to kill herself twice before, she was cutting and involved in other forms of self abuse. She obviously wasn't trying to hide it too much. Hell, she made a youtube video that cried for help FIVE WEEKS before she killed herself. Just how in denial did her parents have to be? Why were they allowing her to be on Facebook after the hell it was causing her? And I also don't buy the "too young" argument. I know a lot of kids younger than her who have more self confidence than most adults I've met. And they are like that because their parents instilled it in them. Now, just because a parent may not know HOW to do that, again, it's not an excuse to blame someone else. I don't mean to come off as callous. I can't imagine the heartbreak these parents must be feeling. But an ounce of prevention and all that jazz. And it's pointless for people to continually blame others for their own misfortunes. Change will only come when one assumes responsibility for their own actions. Blaming the people who bullied her won't bring her back. It also won't prevent bullying in the futurre. But you can make sure you're own kids won't be bullied by giving them the confidence and assertiveness to stand up for themselves and not allow the bullying to effect them like this. Start developing self confidence in your kids from the day they are born, and you'll avoid this kind of scenario every time.
We'll have to disagree on this. Self confidence won't stop a smaller framed kid from being physically bullied. It won't necessarily stop a young girl from being bullied for the way she looks. Yes, I do agree that after the first try, something more serious should have been done. Here's the thing though, you can't force someone to recover from mental and emitional trauma, they do so at their own pace and only if they choose not to resist. From the look of things, she was damaged and in pain. You can't force someone not to be once they are. I don't hold anything personal against you for your opinion, but yes I believe callous would be an accurate description of the opinion.
As a parent of 4 kids, I can see how there's no way an average parent would really see this coming. This led to a serious psychological issue, which you simply can't anticipate how to properly deal with. I've known many people who struggle with kids that have issues, and they do the best they can just to keep them safe, but not always successfully. The only way around this would have been to lock her up, which wouldn't have guaranteed that this could be fixed.
I honestly don't have the answers, but I DO believe that someone should be held accountable here, and I'm not talking about this girl's parents. We don't even know if they knew about this video before she took her life. We don't know how much they knew or didn't know. It looks like they did try to resolve the issue somewhat, whether or not they did enough really can only be known by them, based on what they were or weren't aware of. This story has seriously left me filled with sorrow. I'm going to have my daughter watch that video and have a long talk with her.
[This message has been edited by mptighe (edited 10-12-2012).]
With 8 year olds... okay - I understand... with teenagers? Guarantee the bullying will get worse after any confrontations.
She also moved at least twice. I think that's about all you can do as a parent...... Although I certainly would have curtailed any facebook use. But that would be like forbidding cell phone use - impossible with the younger generations.
not so much when you break their face on the concrete.... small price to pay for teaching someone how it feels to be bullied.
Sad video but even more pathetic is the parent who does nothing until it is too late. If my kids get bullied in school, I make an appearance and straighten things out myself. This is another reason why I feel social websites like Facebook and Myspace are complete bullshit and why I have better things to do than post every time I take a crap or make a move.
We had a bully in middle school. I took care of the problem myself.
That was sad to watch, but I agree with Taijiguy in a way.
As someone who has fought serious depression for years on top of other crap, I've been at that point and have known others dealing with similar things. Its hard to understand sometimes because everyone's case is unique. I'm grateful that in mine, despite having a rough childhood and an abusive relationship with a parent- that same parent consciously and unconsciously hardened me psychologically. I was taught/ learned never to be influenced by others, to think for myself with a strong sense of self, and combined with my trials- this is what has kept me alive so far.
A lot of people don't know how to cope and understand their issues. They rely on the support of family, friends, and possibly even medical professionals. The ones that aren't as lucky don't have anyone to turn to, and refuse medical help because of the stigma of mental illness and how others would see them. These are the ones that face the largest battle to stay alive if they are really down.
As far as bullying and the situation with the older guy goes, this girl was at her weakest point. Probably desperate to be accepted/ connect with someone else and it snowballed into more negativity. If only she had the self discipline to shut off social media for a while and let things die down, she could possibly still be alive.
This may sound most callous of all, but a 16 year old having sex with someone she met off the internet the first and only time they were together before her being attacked- wow. She was never taught that her actions have consequences and to make informed/ rational decisions. Poor parenting.
[This message has been edited by nitroheadz28 (edited 10-12-2012).]
not so much when you break their face on the concrete.... small price to pay for teaching someone how it feels to be bullied.
What if it's one person against a whole school? What if it's cyber-bullying? What if the overwhelming negativity makes someone doubt whether or not they have ANY self worth? This is what I'm saying, it's changed since many of us were in this situation. I faced bullying (I was one of the smaller kids in my grade), but I fought back. Each and every day I got into fights and would go home with ink on my clothes, gum in my hair, and feeling like total crap. I had good self esteem, but it didn't stop me from being bullied by a group of people. When did it stop? When I hit my mid teens, learned martial arts, and had a growth spurt. Those things wouldn't have helped this girl, as her attackers weren't coming at her head on, and they were playing mind games with her. She had no frame of reference in which to compare them to, and over time they overwhelmed her. The story is of this re-occuring at more than one school with more than one group of people.
Someone should have been her champion. Someone should have confronted the people contributing to this, especially the douchebag that started cyber stalking and taunting her. That person should be found. All this said, we don't know that no one tried. Sometimes people simply can't be reached after a certain point. I can tell you this, it takes something like this to let us know that it is possible. There is no silver lining here IMO, but I swear this won't be happening to my kids, and if I can ever help this girl's parents find any peace in this world, I'd be happy to.
Originally posted by Niterrorz: not so much when you break their face on the concrete.... small price to pay for teaching someone how it feels to be bullied.
We'll have to disagree on this. Self confidence won't stop a smaller framed kid from being physically bullied. It won't necessarily stop a young girl from being bullied for the way she looks. Yes, I do agree that after the first try, something more serious should have been done. Here's the thing though, you can't force someone to recover from mental and emitional trauma, they do so at their own pace and only if they choose not to resist. From the look of things, she was damaged and in pain. You can't force someone not to be once they are. I don't hold anything personal against you for your opinion, but yes I believe callous would be an accurate description of the opinion.
As a parent of 4 kids, I can see how there's no way an average parent would really see this coming. This led to a serious psychological issue, which you simply can't anticipate how to properly deal with. I've known many people who struggle with kids that have issues, and they do the best they can just to keep them safe, but not always successfully. The only way around this would have been to lock her up, which wouldn't have guaranteed that this could be fixed.
I honestly don't have the answers, but I DO believe that someone should be held accountable here, and I'm not talking about this girl's parents. We don't even know if they knew about this video before she took her life. We don't know how much they knew or didn't know. It looks like they did try to resolve the issue somewhat, whether or not they did enough really can only be known by them, based on what they were or weren't aware of. This story has seriously left me filled with sorrow. I'm going to have my daughter watch that video and have a long talk with her.
Here's the thing: she only experienced one incident of physical bullying. The rest was emotional/psychological abuse. You're right, a healthy dose of self esteem would not prevent her from experiencing the physical part. What it would have done is given her the strength to be able to deal with the emotional bullying, which made up the largest part of the abuse, which is what eventually drove her to kill herself. I'm not saying it's an easy thing to instill healthy self esteem into a kid, I just believe it's necessary. And a far shot easier than burying them.
Edit- here's another damn good benefit of promoting strong self esteem in kids: they won't BE bullies, and will stand up for those being bullied.
[This message has been edited by Taijiguy (edited 10-12-2012).]
Here's the thing: she only experienced one incident of physical bullying. The rest was emotional/psychological abuse. You're right, a healthy dose of self esteem would not prevent her from experiencing the physical part. What it would have done is given her the strength to be able to deal with the emotional bullying, which made up the largest part of the abuse, which is what eventually drove her to kill herself. I'm not saying it's an easy thing to instill healthy self esteem into a kid, I just believe it's necessary. And a far shot easier than burying them.
This just leaves a bad taste in my mouth... like blaming the short-shorts of a rape victim.
I don't know if you have kids, but give me the strongest (emotionally) one you have, and a group of their peers, and I guarantee they can break him/her down. Especially given contact every day.
Picture yourself at 13. Do you really think you would have survived school had they passed around a naked picture of you? Made fun of you daily? For _years_?
I like to think I am pretty self-confident. Would I have been able to make it through what she dealt with? I honestly don't think so. At that age, all I wanted was acceptance.
This breaks my heart... Nobody stood up for her... and now she's dead. And the pricks in her school(s) are probably happy.
This story hits me hard for two reasons... First, because it's a local story. And secondly, because my step-daughter of 11 years (whom I don't see anymore as her mom and I have recently broken up) is exactly the same age (15) as this poor unfortunate girl.
The local radio and TV stations have been abuzz with this story since it broke. I heard today that a Facebook page had been created to celebrate and to mock her death. I kid you not. It has since been shut down, but I gotta wonder... what kind of monster would do something like that? I am honestly just shocked and disgusted.
Rest in peace, Amanda. I am so sorry that your short life was filled with so much pain.
[This message has been edited by Patrick (edited 10-13-2012).]
I had my 13 year old daughter watch this. Then I had my wife watch it again with me. Tears every time. This world has grown so cold. I can't believe they still mock her even in death. This could have been anyone, it could have been my Autumn. Patrick, has anyone found the initial guy that caused this to blow up like this?
Originally posted by mptighe: Patrick, has anyone found the initial guy that caused this to blow up like this?
His personal information was linked to in an AOL article I read. I "accidentally" posted it up on my response. I hope the guy goes into hiding forever!
Ugh. I checked the page and some people seem to like making fun of her, have they no shame?
I for one, wish that i could beat the stupid out of bullies, because talking to them sure as heck doesnt help anything, it actually makes it worse in some cases
No, I don't take offense. What I'll say though, is that it seems it's popular these days to lay the responsibility for everything that happens to us on someone else. It's always "someone elses" fault. I just don't buy it. A parent who doesn't notice things going on with their kid isn't paying attention. And to me, a parent who's in denial is still culpable. It makes no sense to me to suggest that one can be in denial, and then use that as an excuse to lay the responsibility at someone elses feet. This girl tried to kill herself twice before, she was cutting and involved in other forms of self abuse. She obviously wasn't trying to hide it too much. Hell, she made a youtube video that cried for help FIVE WEEKS before she killed herself. Just how in denial did her parents have to be? Why were they allowing her to be on Facebook after the hell it was causing her? And I also don't buy the "too young" argument. I know a lot of kids younger than her who have more self confidence than most adults I've met. And they are like that because their parents instilled it in them. Now, just because a parent may not know HOW to do that, again, it's not an excuse to blame someone else. I don't mean to come off as callous. I can't imagine the heartbreak these parents must be feeling. But an ounce of prevention and all that jazz. And it's pointless for people to continually blame others for their own misfortunes. Change will only come when one assumes responsibility for their own actions. Blaming the people who bullied her won't bring her back. It also won't prevent bullying in the futurre. But you can make sure you're own kids won't be bullied by giving them the confidence and assertiveness to stand up for themselves and not allow the bullying to effect them like this. Start developing self confidence in your kids from the day they are born, and you'll avoid this kind of scenario every time.
Just how many kids of your own have you raised?
Just asking because every kid is different, every kid, Some I am sure the self-confidence works for them, but not all.
This idiotnet has turned a one town, one school, one state thing to a worldwide access of all the news all over the world. Was it around when you were a kid?
So I have a couple of stories about kids in their teens being bullied but not worth posting because you will say blame it on the parents or low self-esteem. How about putting the blame where it belongs, on the bullies and the bully’s parents. Children learn from their parents and usually a bully comes from parents who are nothing but bully’s themselves.
Steve
------------------ Technology is great when it works, and one big pain in the ass when it doesn't Detroit iron rules all the rest are just toys.
its going to sound screwed up but kids these days really need to grow a spine... you never saw all this crap before internet and all this zero tolerance crap these schools instituted. back in my day you had a problem with a bully it ended up in a fist fight ... you both got send to the principals office got after school detention and usually that was it after that... now kids worry about getting suspended/expelled/ having the cops brought in over stupid little quarrels that there afraid to stand up for them selves.. Growing up I was raised someone hits me I hit them back even harder, to schools these days this is unacceptable and its teaching kids to not stand up for them selves...
So sad! I totally don't understand the mentality of the perpetrator, and I absolutely wish that he could have the pain visited upon himself that he dished out to a girl who was unable to defend herself. Wouldn't make it right for her, but there should be some justice. Some price to pay for inflicting such pain needlessly.
His personal information was linked to in an AOL article I read. I "accidentally" posted it up on my response. I hope the guy goes into hiding forever!
quote
Originally posted by Patrick's Dad:
Anonymous outed him, though there are reports he/they may be wrong (or the Police don't want vigilante justice).
There was a lot of media attention when this info was first released by "Anonymous". However, it appeared that the posted address was probably incorrect, so that made the credibility of this information a little dubious.
The police have downplayed the leaked info regarding the identity of the man himself, as we can't potentially be ruining people's lives who may have nothing to do with the case.
I'm sure the cops are working diligently behind the scenes to turn up actual hard evidence. Until then, nothing much has been officially stated.
Technology is a double edged sword. Prior to Facebook and the internet explosion, a child could be bullied at school or when they were out and about but they were safe from bullies at home. With cyber-bullying the bullying can invade what was once sanctuary.
If the parents were aware of the cyber-bullying, I must ask why they did not pull the plug on her online accounts. A computer and an internet connection can be an invaluable tool for learning. But once it becomes a poison used by bullies to inflict harm then I as a parent would not hesitate to cut that conduit of toxins. I would even go so far as to take away cell phone data usage, block social media site or even eliminate all internet usage altogether to protect my child. A parent may not have direct control over what happens outside of the home but they should maintain control of what happens in it.
Children by their nature are very selfish and cruel. It takes an upbringing with good values to create an adult that might be kind and caring. "Good" children are the exception, not the rule. It is no surprise that bullies would use any tool at their disposal, including social media, to exert their will.
We will never eradicate bullying. The best thing we can do is handle it the best way we can and do everything we can as parents to protect our children.
In our world, evil is the norm and good the exception. I never forget that.
Originally posted by Patrick: ... what kind of monster would do something like that? I am honestly just shocked and disgusted.
The kind of monster that so many parents are raising these days. No, that's not an attack on you. Kids learn their value system from their family to begin with. If they don't get it there, they get it somewhere else. A few find good value lessons outside the home, but far more don't.
Problem is we cant relate. Most of us have not dealt with a bully in the information age. When we were dealing with bullies it was a group of a couple of kids and they had to expose themselves to bully people. Now 100s of thousands of people can gang up on someone in a few minutes as part of the mob. Most of them just don't understand and are just jumping on the be funny or part of the cool people. Its easy to deal with a small group but its hard to deal with thousands of faceless people when as soon as you get rid of one ten more pop up.
Honestly if I did have kids they wouldn't be able to get on some of the social groups and would be greeted by blocked websites if they tried. I have enough knowledge to do that but most people see computers as harmless toasters with TVs attached to them. Its a tool to occupy their kids the same way TV and radio did when we were growing up.
The people that enable these kinds of behavior are as much to blame as the parents.
