Happiness is found at the lowest levels that we can set. When you aim above those levels, there's only discontentment to be had. Your level of happiness will likewise rise as your expectations are not only met but exceeded. Somewhere in your relationship, you either set the bar too high, or the levels were not met. You'll either need to make adjustments, she will, or both of you will. If neither person is willing to make adjustments, we get to where you are now. Good luck on your future.... either together or apart.
Just so we are clear, this has been a struggle for a couple of years. If we were to stay together any longer there would be nothing left of us, no friend ship nothing. We fight, we are short with each other. We do not respect each other and I think once the sting is gone we can get back to our friendship but the marriage is over.
The last thing I want to do is try and stay in the marriage and end up hating and regretting the last 30 years. You may not think so but in my situation this is probably the healthiest path for me. It is going to be tough but I will get through it and I am trying very hard to keep our friendship in tact.
As for other girls, sure they are a problem. But I swear I have not done anything in the past 29 years with another woman except look. But full disclosure over the last couple of months I have kissed a couple girls and even have one that I do chat with periodically. I have not taken anything past second base so to speak. I take full responsibility for my actions. But had I acted on this a couple of years or so ago when I started feeling this way it would have went a lot better.
I knew it was over when she was late one night and I just went to bed. When I looked her in the face I only see a friend and not someone I am in love with and I just don't want to live like this anymore. We fight all the time and when I ask her to stop she will keep at me until I am mad and yelling at her. People that care about each other do not do that. She filled up the kitchen with Christmas presents. You couldn't see the floor. Not one of them was mine. Christmas eve she gave me a $20 for Star Wars tickets (half of it was for her ticket) and an IOU Do you think that is love? I had her big gift and did give it to her but none of the small gifts. Took them back. She put some of those gifts on a credit card after I told her not to use it again. Long story but there is a history of abuse. So time after time I have let things go, sucked it up and paid off the debt, dealt with the fact that we have no savings. Well I just cant do it anymore. When you trust someone and they go behind your back and do something when they promised they wouldn't. Could we make it last a little longer? Probably but then we would end up hating each other. I would rather leave while we can still be friends. While we can still be adults and not ruin each other in a long battle over stuff that just doesn't mean that much to me anymore.
There is a long list of things and once this is done I will share and hope help someone else see the signs.
But this other woman was not the cause of my marriage falling apart. I have had to answer that question more than I care for and I tell the same story.
Its OK Cliff I have made peace with my decision, its only paper work and finding a place to live. I am out of energy and I have so much to do. I just don't have the energy to put into this anymore. Its going to suck for a while but it will get better.
August 16th my divorce is final. 2 days before our anniversary. I am single and moving into an apartment tomorrow morning, go back to work Oct 2nd. We were separated for 16 months so we were both sure this was the right thing.
We are still friends but she mostly only contacts me when she needs money. When we left the court house she was shaking, I gave her a hug and held her hand to her car. She is taking it pretty well and I am glad. She can finally move on.
We were both at fault, but in the end this is better for us than staying together and being miserable. Figured I would close this thread.
