The ring slipped from my hand I picked up my bags and said good bye As the door closed I heard you say something Its too late I have already made up my mind The bags are in the car As I speed down the road I call and have someone come over to check on you Everything has changed
I just cant do this anymore I did come back home but I only promise to stay for Christmas Hardest thing I have done in a long time
I'm just not happy anymore and its cruel to stay
[This message has been edited by Jake_Dragon (edited 12-22-2015).]
Originally posted by Jake_Dragon: Would it help if I said I was also smoking again and haven't shaved my balls in a year
TMI and quit that smoking. If you are giving up on a relationship, it is no reason to poison yourself. If you had not, a family counselor to help everyone understand why it failed and will not be fixed. It takes 2 to tango and one to refuse to dance.
We are just an internet forum, feel free to withhold or give as much as you want. I would hope there is some word that would make you feel better but, I do not expect so. If someone is willing to forgive you, take the forgiveness and make the change needed to earn it. In the long run, we have to live for ourselves, it may sound selfish but, if you are unhappy, you can not truly offer yourself.
Funny thing, so did I ..... And it gave me a great business idea. Fleur de Lea stickers to put in the "target zone" of the bowl. Whatya think, test market them in Quebec ?
It passes Jake, it doesn't seem like it but it will.... Worst one I went thru took 5 years to get out if my system. It wasn't until 4 years after we parted ways I learned every word out of her mouth had been a lie and a manipulation to get her own way on a lot of things which ended up screwing my entire life, never mind the close to 1/2 mil in money and future profits.
Now adays, my "warm fuzzy feeling " is thoughts of her screaming in a flaming car wreck.
It not only goes away, it can even turn into pure unadulterated hate in time.
None of us can walk in your shoes and of course we don't have a clue what the problem is in your relationship but it sounds like you've got a handle on it. I was married with four kids when my wife divorced me. It was devastating and it took me a long time to get over it. I don't harbor ill feelings anymore. She's a good person. We just aren't meant to be together. My post breakup relationships only lasted about six months before I realized that it was going to take a lot more effort than I was willing to put out. I'm pretty sure that I've been single too long now to be a suitable candidate for a relationship. At this point I'm willing to settle for a compatible friend and at my age (75) it really isn't that important what sex the friend is. I hope that you have better luck than me. I'm not fully satisfied being single.
When I break it down over the last 5 years we have become little more than room mates. I just don't feel the same way anymore.
I have gone through a lot of life changing events.
I was diagnosed with a benign tumor, its is being handled by medication. But because of the location they have to make sure it doesn't get bigger or it could blind or kill me. Then I was diagnosed with a long standing issue that I just thought was normal. Turns out its not normal but now that I know what it is I can cope and have even gotten off the medication that have me on. (not a mental issue I know what your thinking ) Its a hormone imbalance, but after a year of shots I took 6 months off and my levels are staying in the normal range, bottom of it but they are normal for the first time in years. I know what it is and can cope. Last year my mother was killed in a car accident and that was the biggest blow on top of all the rest of this.
I know she tries to be supportive but she gets emotional and makes things worse. I was dealing with things then all of that happened in the last 4 years.
The love is not there, its cruel to both of us to continue. I need to be by myself for a while and cope with all of this.
I will always care and hope that we can eventually be friends. She has been married twice before so she has been through this before and should be OK.
I said I would stay the rest of this week but its not going to be easy. I already want to leave.
pituitary gland the major endocrine gland. A pea-sized body attached to the base of the brain, the pituitary is important in controlling growth and development and the functioning of the other endocrine glands.
Mine is about twice the normal size but the medication has shrank it some.
With all that going on, stress, and hormones and meds on and off I honestly would think it might be a poor time to make a decision to leave. The love is not there could be an illusion or the love could be overshadowed. For lack of better words. But the fact that you have been through what you have recently and in the past gives hope that you can handle this, it'll just take time. The heart of the other person is important too, where they are at, what the love is like, reasons. What their issues may be. Personally I did marriage and I plan on only doing it once, but I know thats not that common anymore and things cannot be undone. But every step going forward from here you can choose.
pituitary gland the major endocrine gland. A pea-sized body attached to the base of the brain, the pituitary is important in controlling growth and development and the functioning of the other endocrine glands.
Mine is about twice the normal size but the medication has shrank it some.
I can never convince you, and I dout any doctor could, but had you walked in the shoes I have for the last 6 months, you would have a greater understanding, tho even then, it is doubtful you would allow yourself to accept what has a very high chance of being the truth.
But, I need to think on this awhile, and consult privately with one other forum member.
Then I was diagnosed with a long standing issue that I just thought was normal. Turns out its not normal but now that I know what it is I can cope and have even gotten off the medication that have me on. (not a mental issue I know what your thinking ) Its a hormone imbalance,
I know she tries to be supportive but she gets emotional and makes things worse. I was dealing with things then all of that happened in the last 4 years.
No surprise on the hormone imbalance, we have known that for years.
But I have to ask, the wife, how old? Could she possibly be going threw the Change?
Sounds like it, unless she has always been like that.
No surprise on the hormone imbalance, we have known that for years. But I have to ask, the wife, how old? Could she possibly be going threw the Change? sounds like it, unless she has always been like that.
Steve
Jerk Just bad timing, the marriage was over 2 years ago I was just too stupid or afraid to end it then. Should have just ended it and moved on the last crisis, but I tried I really did. Then I got to where I didn't care anymore.
No after years of no love I did get tangled up with a girl. We never did anything but there are feelings there. But that is not why this happened. That is not what is going on here, that would be a quick and easy reason I know but this has been brewing for a while and I have been too stupid and scared to do anything until now.
Guys I appreciate the reply's and please keep them coming but my mind is made up, even if I am going to end up in a house full of cats well I will be happy. This sucks, I didnt want to hurt anyone and my waiting I seem to have hurt everyone.
Originally posted by dratts: None of us can walk in your shoes and of course we don't have a clue what the problem is in your relationship but it sounds like you've got a handle on it. I was married with four kids when my wife divorced me. It was devastating and it took me a long time to get over it. I don't harbor ill feelings anymore. She's a good person. We just aren't meant to be together. My post breakup relationships only lasted about six months before I realized that it was going to take a lot more effort than I was willing to put out. I'm pretty sure that I've been single too long now to be a suitable candidate for a relationship. At this point I'm willing to settle for a compatible friend and at my age (75) it really isn't that important what sex the friend is. I hope that you have better luck than me. I'm not fully satisfied being single.
I get this. I am not sure if I have a disk issue in my neck or my wife droning on is such a giant pain in the neck. I only have migraines on the weekend. We got past the time that friends and neighbors thought we would kill each other and on direct instruction from god I stayed. I question if we are compatible, it is just what we are dealing with while our son finishes growing up. My 2 closest friends will almost certainly die from heart issues before me so, 75 plus hanging out with my buddies is unlikely.
I did agree to come home for Christmas I don't know what is going to happen. She said I could stay for as long as I needed. Right now there are no games and she said she forgives me but its only putting off what is inevitable for both of us to be happy.
I have read lots of threads and posts here at PFF. The Tyler thread(s), several announcing deaths in families--way too any of those, but I came to terms with death so many many years ago, that they don't 'bother' me much, and I don't mean that to sound like I don't care about the losses, it's just that I saw so much of it and have been to so many funerals, and have so few relatives left, (and everything else that has happened in the world in my 65 years) that it is now just one more natural thing in the world. But this thread, and it's message bothers me--a lot, and may be the saddest one I have ever read, and I don't think it would matter if it were another member posting it--iow, it's not because it's Jake (and his wife). It's because it is happening, and I just watched something very very similar almost happen, and under very similar circumstances and I believe there is a good chance that it is happening for the same reasons. But, because I have not fully exorcised the demons from my own experience (it was not Jane and I) I would have a difficult time putting my thoughts into text at this time. I may reach out to you Jake either here, by phone or by PM, but it will be after the Holidays. I will say, that I have learned in the last 18 months, that things are not always as they seem, no matter how strongly one believes they are exactly as they seem. The brain, is very very complicated, and sometimes, it lies, and sometimes when it lies, it does so with so much convincing aggressiveness and such faux clarity it takes the patience of Job to overcome and see thru it. I do wish you the very very best Jake, as well as to your family.
I've seen people get married for a lot of stupid reasons. I honestly believe marriage today isn't worth it outside of a biblical marriage. You gain nothing but a legal contract that is easily exploited in the end.
I see why MJ finds this disturbing, however not everyone marries the right person and not everyone believes marriage is for life. You can seek all the marriage advice and counseling you want but until you figure out what a real marriage is supposed to be, you don't have much hope. Your current marriage is salvageable, you just need to go back to the root of marriage, you'll find that in the Bible.
You can tell me I'm wrong, you can tell me it just wasn't meant to be, you can tell me you don't believe in God but I said what I know as the truth and I hope it helps. Good Luck!
I've seen people get married for a lot of stupid reasons. I honestly believe marriage today isn't worth it outside of a biblical marriage. You gain nothing but a legal contract that is easily exploited in the end.
I see why MJ finds this disturbing, however not everyone marries the right person and not everyone believes marriage is for life. You can seek all the marriage advice and counseling you want but until you figure out what a real marriage is supposed to be, you don't have much hope. Your current marriage is salvageable, you just need to go back to the root of marriage, you'll find that in the Bible.
You can tell me I'm wrong, you can tell me it just wasn't meant to be, you can tell me you don't believe in God but I said what I know as the truth and I hope it helps. Good Luck!
My concern has nothing to do with any of that directly. I do agree with you, but it's another issue entirely.
If you have a tractor trailer, there is a truck stop in Tampa that a girl will knock on your window and ask if you need company. I would not recommend it though. Only advise you on the available options within driving distance of your area.
Also, if you are ever in a situation when a preteen aged person asks you to come over, and then invites you in to have cookies and lemonade, don't do it. You may get asked to have a seat. If you hear the words " I'm Chris Hansen", then it is way too late.
On a more realistic note, a lot of depression this year. It seems bleak to not only myself, but so many others. That is a "feeling". We laugh at some of the butt hurt feelings going on in today's society, but then hide or diminish our own. I can tell you to grab yourself by the boot straps and get going! I just cannot do that for myself. How do we help ourselves? I wish I knew.
We had a long talk last night, it didn't start out very good but in the end we talked like adults I move into the guest room and we are separated. I will stay here for a while or until one of us says its enough then I will move.
We have to figure out her insurance and where she is going to stay. She wont make enough to keep the house, eat and pay bills on her income. I told her we could separate for now and keep the insurance on her. I will continue to pay the house and electricity for as long as I stay here. She can pay the bills if she cuts some things back. I can keep her on my phone plan as its not anymore than it is now. The house I can continue to pay for until she moves or figures out if she wants to stay. $700 a month she should figure out how to stay, perhaps a room mate. Or we will sell it and what is left over after the mortgage we will split.
Like I said before she has been divorced before and she was able to become friends with her ex husbands so I hope that is still a possibility that one day we can be friends again.
I may have seemed pretty cold about all of this but I am pretty torn up. I know it has to end that we are never going to be happy together going forward. I will always care for her she was my best friend for all of those 30 years I just cant look her in the face and tell her I love her. Its a horrible feeling.
You are going to do what you are going to do but, I do think an open mind is important and you did post here for a dialog. Where I live and work I am exposed to a lot of cultures. One that I had a bunch of discussions with is my Indian buddy Charlie. They have arranged marriages, there are no big attraction concerns, they do not do not have love as an entry ticket to marriage. Like Dave Ramseys Total Money Makeover and Dr. Laura's the proper care and feeding of marriage, the marriage relationship has to be worked on, each contributing from their strengths, and being willing to give to the other persons needs. Compromise done in good spirit brings respect, love can build from there. I had a hell of a time getting there with my wife. Her parents convinced her that Americans get divorced soon so, protect yourself. Imagine trying to be married and having an agenda of protecting your interest, conflicting agendas. You do not give all of yourself, you can not. I am pretty sure I posted on Pennocks that my wife called me a "good husband". It was over 15 years into the marriage. It took a lot to over come all that her friends and family said and my own imperfections would show to be noticed as a good husband. Years before I offered to go to a marriage counselor but she thought we had no reason to go. So, there it is, perfectly decent people with different expectations and needs can learn to get along and love one another.
I've been married to the one and only same gal for 40 years. Many trials and tribulations over that time. I've asked myself several times if I'd be better off ( not necessarily happier ) without her. My little voice still replies, "No."
I've had many family members, friends & fellow workers that have gone through separation & divorce. While a few are better off than with the first go-round, most are not.
We are not horrible people do not judge just because you don't understand from their perspective people hide things people don't talk about things there is so much you cant see from just looking at the outside. life will change you I know you don't understand but at some point it will make sense Just be good to each other and try not to judge too harshly
We have mutually removed our wedding rings, wanted to wait till after Christmas
Chapter is closed. We have come to an agreement and should be fine. Be at peace brothers
I hope it works out for the best for the both of you, just remember it ain't over till the fat lady sings, in this case the judge. My first wife ended up with the 3 decker apartment building I had bought after we first got married, luckily I didn't get stuck with the payments, she did and she lost it for not paying the small mortgage that was left. It was more than paid for by the rents of the other 2 renters and a few bucks left over. But she lost it, not me.
Back to the courts, be aware people lie in court all the time, she will have a lawyer, almost guarantied in todays legal system, you can try to work things out there with just the 2 of you and no lawyers but things change, sht happens and during a divorce all the crap comes out. All I am saying is be prepared.
Again, good luck.
Steve
[This message has been edited by 84fiero123 (edited 12-27-2015).]
