They are not married The child is 1 year old, the mother isn't currently working but has been working and should have a job soon. The father is a felon and hasn't worked in a couple years from what I know about him. Stays home and plays video games. She feels trapped because of the child. I think she would be better off on her own. Problem she doesn't have a support system in place. So she feels like she is all alone in this. I guess the grand mother is a ***** and the father has just substituted one mother for another.
She was going to walk out on him but he threatened to take the child. I told her he was full of **** and would end up in court. Mother almost always wins in these cases.
Out of the two of them she is better enabled to take care of the child. As many issues that I have a Christmas I wouldn't want this one.
If we were not going through our problems we would open our home to her but I cant help at this time. I just thought I would ask as this is a big community and you guys are pretty smart most of the time.
I just don't have time to help with this **** right now and don't have time for someones drama I have enough.
The child is 1 year old, the mother isn't currently working but has been working and should have a job soon.....
Out of the two of them she is better enabled to take care of the child.
The first question a judge (or CPS case worker) is going to ask: With a full time job, (assuming this soon-to-be single parent does become employed) who will care for the child?
The first question a judge (or CPS case worker) is going to ask: With a full time job, (assuming this soon-to-be single parent does become employed) who will care for the child?
I agree, I told her the same thing. She needs to find a support system, people she can rely on. I guess he controls her to the point she cant even have friends. I met her at her job waiting tables and she opened up and I could tell she was in trouble and needed someone to talk to. So I listens and it hurts that we cant help. (I did tip pretty good but that is only worth a few days of baby supplies) She was waiting tables but is normally a bartender and trying to work her way up.
Like I said we would be happy to open our home if I wasn't in my situation, my wife would be happy to watch her. I hate not being able to help. I told her about the day care at church, that may be an option depending on where she gets a job. From what she said he wouldn't be able to provide for the baby either. The grand mother is on the government tit and that is the only reason she would take the child. Sad, I guess the grandmother even charges to watch the kid the two weeks he was working.
I have been eating where she works for years and everyone even management know me. Guess I have a face that makes people want to talk to me.
[This message has been edited by Jake_Dragon (edited 12-23-2015).]
A word of caution. You seem to have enough troubles.
Consider this.
If some guy got involved in a custody situation with a child of mine his life wouldn't be worth a nickle ninety eight.
Just things to make you go , Hmmm?
Quoted for the truth.. Pretty sure that is why she is still with him. Would do anything for her child. Who wouldn't. This is about all I can do and I have time on my hands.. Well enough to keep up with a thread anyway.
Is he a violent Felon? Piss him off, take her hits, call the cops, get CPS involved.
I guess some people come from a "support structure" of losers but, normally this is where you turn to family. When my wife hit my kid in anger, i arranged to move in the next 3 hours. A close friend was where we were going to go but, my wife went to the doctor as I required. To the best of my knowledge, she never hit him again.
Is he a violent Felon? Piss him off, take her hits, call the cops, get CPS involved.
I guess some people come from a "support structure" of losers but, normally this is where you turn to family. When my wife hit my kid in anger, i arranged to move in the next 3 hours. A close friend was where we were going to go but, my wife went to the doctor as I required. To the best of my knowledge, she never hit him again.
Pretty sure he was selling pot but don't know for sure. If he was violent and hitting either one of them. Well I am not in a good place and shouldn't be tested right now.
I have never met him, don't play halo
[This message has been edited by Jake_Dragon (edited 12-23-2015).]
Nothing a few grams of coke and a street bought .38 couldn't solve. Toss both under the seat of his car, then anonymously call in a man with a gun. It turns out to be a lot cheaper than the courts.
Nothing a few grams of coke and a street bought .38 couldn't solve. Toss both under the seat of his car, then anonymously call in a man with a gun. It turns out to be a lot cheaper than the courts.
LOL he doesn't have a car Serious this guy just exchanged one mother for another.
He's merely a temporarily disenfranchised citizen, down on his luck after being incarcerated whereupon the US Justice system miserably failed him in their responsibility to provide him with education, drug counseling, and social/economic and employment rehabilitation and training. Ok, upon further contemplation, he's just one more deadbeat dopehead moron that has learned to work The System.
He's merely a temporarily disenfranchised citizen, down on his luck after being incarcerated whereupon the US Justice system miserably failed him in their responsibility to provide him with education, drug counseling, and social/economic and employment rehabilitation and training. Ok, upon further contemplation, he's just one more deadbeat dopehead moron that has learned to work The System.
Like others have said, she needs a support system. He absolutely does not have the right to take the child and she needs to do whatever she can to make it impossible.
Chances are he is not clean, she may not be either. As long as she can stay clean and stay working she has the upper hand in court, that wouldn't stop him from getting clean and getting a job as well as paying child support to continue to keep his rights.
Is Florida a "mommy state" like California? It took my ex, after being arrested for drug once and theft once along with 90 days in jail, getting arrested for 9 felonies on one go round before they finally gave me custody. I mean she was in and out of homes sometimes living in a motor home or van. Yet there I was stable steady home, no drugs or alcohol, no criminal record and never arrested, full time employment and a wife who was a stay at home mom. It's sickening sometimes how biased the system can be.
Is Florida a "mommy state" like California? It took my ex, after being arrested for drug once and theft once along with 90 days in jail, getting arrested for 9 felonies on one go round before they finally gave me custody. I mean she was in and out of homes sometimes living in a motor home or van. Yet there I was stable steady home, no drugs or alcohol, no criminal record and never arrested, full time employment and a wife who was a stay at home mom. It's sickening sometimes how biased the system can be.
What I know about it yes it will be swayed by the Mother over the father. But there are exceptions. I think he is full of **** and just trying to control her any way he can. Cant keep them any other way then threaten them.
If it really comes down to it, he won't want to have the child or the responsibility that entails. She should call his bluff, find a daycare to take care of the child, while she works, and leave the bum.
[This message has been edited by avengador1 (edited 12-24-2015).]
Originally posted by avengador1:If it really comes down to it, he won't want to have the child or the responsibility that entails. She should call his bluff, find a daycare to take care of the child, while she works, and leave the bum.
The more I think about it, I agree. He has residence so, she would have to do the eviction if she stayed. She should let the landlord know what is up, move, and not invite him. Guys like this are not the take responsibility sort. As a landlord, I would go ahead and run out the eviction for the date that she would be moving out. The fun part would be that she would be moved out and his ass would be on the street.
I agree he sounds like a dead beat but if there is any chance him and his mother could get money from the government then it sounds like they will try and get custody. I was curious so I looked it up. Florida doesn't decide custody the same way as the state I grew up in . They start out as equal then the judge will decide if one parent should have more or less time with the child depending on circumstances. From what I read its joint custody unless one of the parents cant care for the child and the other isn't able to pay child support. Sounds like both of them need to be careful or neither of them will have the child.
So I have been reading on this and I don't see where he can do anything unless he drops his nuts and steps up. Not working for the last couple of years while sending his pregnant wife out to work.
I think its just more posturing to keep her under his thumb. Next time I see her I have a couple more questions and I think she has a lot of options as long as she isn't scared.
Now he is the father of the child, has been caring for her while the mother is out working. I am sure he has feelings but I assume that he is young and doesn't know what love really is. I think he is just substituting one mother for another. I know he is violent but I don't think he has ever laid hands on the baby and she has never reported the time he hit her so there isn't any recorded. If she would have reported it then I think she would have been gone a while ago.
Bottom line we all have choices and shouldn't take the word of people that want to control us.
Records hold a lot of weight in court, criminal, work, arrest records, make sure she knows that. The courts will investigate any accusations by ether party of the other or if she can have it in hand in court it would help. Sounds like she has decided already, just afraid to do it. She does need some better support system to show that she can take care of the baby, but he will also have to show that he has that available as well. Thing is when talking to just one side of the problem you are only seeing one side of it embellished by the person telling it. So you don't know what is true and what is not, just taking her word for it may not be the best idea for you, especially in your situation right now. Giving her a good tip, not always has to be monetary, sometimes just saying the right thing at the right time can be an even bigger tip.
When she goes on a break he makes her call and leave the phone on, is that just ****ed up or what? I have never been in a controlling relationship like that. Just wierd
[This message has been edited by Jake_Dragon (edited 12-26-2015).]
When she goes on a break he makes her call and leave the phone on, is that just ****ed up or what? I have never been in a controlling relationship like that. Just wierd
Almost sounds like my oldest daughter, but then the way she tells it she is the good guy, clean and sober, funny thing is that she isn't clean and sober, she drink vodka like a fish and snort or eats anything someone puts in front of her. But says he is always there with her, the only time she gets a private phone call is in the bathroom. She used his phone once to call us and he had a fit.
In a divorce no one wins everything most times but in a partnership if you ain't careful you may lose everything all at once real quick if you aren't careful. Steve
[This message has been edited by 84fiero123 (edited 12-26-2015).]
Almost sounds like my oldest daughter, but then the way she tells it she is the good guy, clean and sober, funny thing is that she isn't clean and sober, she drink vodka like a fish and snort or eats anything someone puts in front of her. But says he is always there with her, the only time she gets a private phone call is in the bathroom. She used his phone once to call us and he had a fit.
In a divorce no one wins everything most times but in a partnership if you ain't careful you may lose everything all at once real quick if you aren't careful. Steve
They are not married and they don't have anything except one broken down truck that I know of. If you are talking about me then this isn't the thread for that.
In a divorce no one wins everything most times but in a partnership if you ain't careful you may lose everything all at once real quick if you aren't careful. Steve
Commonly referred to as shackin up but may in fact be a Common Law marriage in the courtroom. Texas still recognizes Common Law Marriage--Georgia "kinda" does. Seems like 1997 and before was the cutoff--if formed after that, CLM is not recognized in Georgia.
sorry, can not give two ****s, this stupid ***** picked this dope, had a child with said dope, and now feels trapped, poor baby.. stupid c**t, I only feel for the child, and why I really think you should have to pass a test to have kids..
Originally posted by Jake_Dragon: They are not married and they don't have anything except one broken down truck that I know of. If you are talking about me then this isn't the thread for that.
No not you, her the girl you are talking about. If they were married she would have some protection, not much but some. unless as Don said CLM is still legal in whatever state she is in recognizes it.
sorry, can not give two ****s, this stupid ***** picked this dope, had a child with said dope, and now feels trapped, poor baby.. stupid c**t, I only feel for the child, and why I really think you should have to pass a test to have kids..
Then why post at all? Really you have nothing to contribute then why post at all.
Originally posted by 84fiero123: No not you, her the girl you are talking about. If they were married she would have some protection, not much but some. unless as Don said CLM is still legal in whatever state she is in recognizes it.
Steve
This is a weird situation here in Florida and the way the laws are wrote. I will update the thread but I don't think there will be any updated for a while. Thanks for the replies.
Then why post at all? Really you have nothing to contribute then why post at all.
I did and you missed it, you are being sucked into a mess , and she will run right back to him, If things are as you say, she has no worries of loosing the child.. unless you are ready to put her up at your house.. step away.. you haven't met the dad, yet he is a low life.. IT BE ONE THING IF YOU KNEW HIM.. but you don't.. There is so much help for a single mother it's not even funny.. sorry buddy, but she is slowly writing sucker in lipstick on your forehead.
Sounds like my oldest, an enabler. Not that she is a better person, she got sucked into the drug world and her ex was into anything that would get him high, he loved the big H, now so does she.
She, your friend says he goes away and then returns months later and she takes him back, Move the next time he runs off as far away as she can. If she is lucky he hasn't given her aids or HIV or any other kind of disease he may have.
Steve
[This message has been edited by 84fiero123 (edited 12-27-2015).]
I did and you missed it, you are being sucked into a mess , and she will run right back to him, If things are as you say, she has no worries of loosing the child.. unless you are ready to put her up at your house.. step away.. you haven't met the dad, yet he is a low life.. IT BE ONE THING IF YOU KNEW HIM.. but you don't.. There is so much help for a single mother it's not even funny.. sorry buddy, but she is slowly writing sucker in lipstick on your forehead.
Have you ever been young and scared? Had a child that means more to you than anything else? Willing to put up with someone because you don't know any other way. From what I know she didn't have a child hood and is just trying to do right by her baby. Sacrifice and putting up with things we would never dream of putting up with.
I know what I would do, I would like to think I would be strong enough but then when you have time on your hands and sit and watch your child learning how to walk. Doing anything that could take that away even if it is in a bad home is unthinkable. People get blinded by fear, real or not it can be crippling. Why people stay married until their kids are old enough to understand, why they stay in horrible jobs because they are feeding and taking care of their kids.
Its not like I am in a stable situation and can do anything about it. I don't know if you are trying to help or not still trying to think about that I will get back to you. For now if you cant help let it be
If things are as you say, she has no worries of loosing the child..
I know this. But she doesn't have a good support system. In a weird way that is what we are here at PFF I have always relied on the collective group here to help me. Even when I have made my mind up its good to get it out and hear what I may not be seeing. So I reached out because I have no knowledge of this and can only go by what I read on the internet
I don't think she has anything to worry about just needs a place to stay and get her mind right. I'm going to be responsible for two house holds for the next couple of months I cant afford another one.
Originally posted by Jake_Dragon: I know this. But she doesn't have a good support system. In a weird way that is what we are here at PFF I have always relied on the collective group here to help me.
PFF the most dysfunctional family I have ever had, well except for my real family, now talk about dysfunctional. But PFF is the best family I have ever had, people here care about each other, most of us anyway.
Steve
[This message has been edited by 84fiero123 (edited 12-27-2015).]
PFF the most dysfunctional family I have ever had, well except for my real family, now talk about dysfunctional. But PFF is the best family I have ever had, people here care about each other, most of us anyway.
Steve
Thanks Steve. I think they mean well they just have no idea how to express it. We have been here a long time and got to know a lot of people we would have never had a chance to know otherwise.
The only opinion that matters is the judge and he/she will be influenced more by CPS than anything else. The welfare of the child will come first, and if the girl has shown a past inability to remove her child from a bad situation, the state or county will more than likely do it for her. Good intentions count for very little. At some point, someone somewhere will alert authorities to the situation (school, neighbors, relatives, medical facility, social worker, friends..) and it will be mostly out of her hands. Whether she will be allowed to retain custody, is doubtful, just from what little has been posted here.
[This message has been edited by maryjane (edited 12-27-2015).]
Have you ever been young and scared? Had a child that means more to you than anything else? Willing to put up with someone because you don't know any other way. From what I know she didn't have a child hood and is just trying to do right by her baby. Sacrifice and putting up with things we would never dream of putting up with.
I know what I would do, I would like to think I would be strong enough but then when you have time on your hands and sit and watch your child learning how to walk. Doing anything that could take that away even if it is in a bad home is unthinkable. People get blinded by fear, real or not it can be crippling. Why people stay married until their kids are old enough to understand, why they stay in horrible jobs because they are feeding and taking care of their kids.
Its not like I am in a stable situation and can do anything about it. I don't know if you are trying to help or not still trying to think about that I will get back to you. For now if you cant help let it be
Peace be with you
cut the crap, single mothers have so much avail to them, shelters, groups that help with daycare, job placement, free cell phone, help with getting aid.. good luck.. I think as seen as you never met the dad, and are hearing a sob story, you are being fooled.. it's not 1980, a google search will being up all the help and aid for her to look into, young and scared, should've thought that out before having a child, but but that require taking a pill every day or using a rain coat.. sorry, can't in this day and age feel for those that find it to much of a bother to think about safe sex and raising a child, until it's on the way.. then claim they are scared, after the child is a year old.. tough **** , grow up.. it's nice that you want to help, but run, run far away, one trip to the welfare office will be able to give her all the info she'll need to get any help she might want/need, only reason she would need to worry about loosing the child is if 1) things are not as she says, like dad isn't a low life, or the blood test when they(state) go after him for child support and find it's not his 2) she is using other than that.. no worries.. It's sad that two adults that made a child, can't get their **** together to make a home and family for the child..
Things you need to ask yourself 1) if she wasn't working and he is no job bum video game zombie, how they have a place to live, baby needs ,food, etc? 2) why she crying on your shoulder 3)why no help from her family, things don't add up..
We went through something like this with my wife's niece, father of the child was this no job low life mean bastard,Drunk at least that is what we were told, problem was I had no issue going and talking to this low life, something my wifes niece didn't count on, odd thing was, he was working 2 jobs, supporting her, the child, and himself, ya he wasn't around to help with the baby as he was working 70-80 hours a week, He even had started a college fund for the child, not quite the sob story the niece fed my wife...
I have read and passed along the information I found, I am not looking for google answers, I was looking for personal experience. But I do appreciate the posts.
I cant make her do anything, she will have to do that on her own
[This message has been edited by Jake_Dragon (edited 12-27-2015).]
I have read and passed along the information I found, I am not looking for google answers, I was looking for personal experience. But I do appreciate the posts.
I cant make her do anything, she will have to do that on her own
welp, personal experience, of the same type thing 5 /10 years ago isn't the same as today, nor is what help is avail. in my area the same as yours, google is the best bet, short of walking into a s.services office and asking face to face, Sounds like she is looking for a father figure or the next sugar daddy to do the leg work for her, it's time this young lady grows up and gets her ass in gear.. if she is worried about her child she should be at the s. services office when the doors open Monday morning, to get any and all info. of what is avail, what to do, and where to go.. better question is why hasn't she already..
welp, personal experience, of the same type thing 5 /10 years ago isn't the same as today, nor is what help is avail. in my area the same as yours, google is the best bet, short of walking into a s.services office and asking face to face, Sounds like she is looking for a father figure or the next sugar daddy to do the leg work for her, it's time this young lady grows up and gets her ass in gear.. if she is worried about her child she should be at the s. services office when the doors open Monday morning, to get any and all info. of what is avail, what to do, and where to go.. better question is why hasn't she already..
I want to thank everyone who has posted in this thread. Between my own research and the posts I feel better about this and hope that I can help her through this. I know it will work out, that she will not have to worry about her child and if God willing one day perhaps we can even have something between us.
Its an impossible situation made better by friends.
It turns out to be a lot cheaper than the courts.
