We all have lost loved ones at some point in our lives. Having lost both my parents (mother just a few months ago) I was selected as Executor of both Dad and Mom's estates. That job sucks. Knowing this in advance, I did my best to convince both parents to seriously consider their own demise and how they wanted things handled. This they both did.
I assure you; a Will won't cover every aspect and can cause survivors/family issues but, that's not the crux of this thread. Both of my parents decided to make my life post their demise easier than it could have been by addressing those decisions that the Executor would have to determine with or without family agreement.
My motorcycle crash (on a Valkyrie) a few years ago made me consider what could have happened had that crash been just a tad bit more severe and since I'm still an active rider what could still happen. Fourteen broken bones, lungs punctured, brain injury and other damages make one think about such arrangements while recovering and post recovery.
While religious convictions do make a difference in the decisions we make, passing away/dying involves a lot more things for the survivors than just that. Knowing that I am within a decade or so of the ages my parents and grandparents passed away, I've given my own passing quite a bit of thought since that crash. None of them rode motorcycles.
While I really don't care who takes possession of my "stuff", I do want to make that time as easy on my surviving family as it can be made. I have told my family my wishes but, after I'm gone, it won't really matter (to me) if they don't do as I've asked.
I don't care if there is a funeral, that's for the family to decide. I personally think such expenses are a huge waste of resources that can better be used for other priorities. Funeral homes all kinds of expensive unnecessary option. But what I do want is my surviving family to have as many options financially as possible. Have made it clear that if some University will take what's left of me for research or training of future doctors, that's fine with me. Post demise, I don't wish to take up space in a cemetery. I consider cemeteries to be a huge waste of usable dirt. I don't need a marker on a plot that will mean nothing to people a decade from now much less a century from now.
The things that are important to me are to ensure that my family has as many options as possible to live long and happy lives. Each of my two adult offspring will get a Valkyrie. My loving spouse will most likely keep the rag top Solstice (at least till it needs some kind of major maintenance.
I'm looking at Trusts to place all my physical properties into, pre-paid disposal costs for this magnificent body I've used up and simply how to make this transition for my family easier.
Just curious as to what others have done to achieve similar goals if, that's actually been considered or done? I may not have thought of everything. As a member of this community, we're all getting older and none of us will survive and live forever, speaking of our physical bodies. (Again, this is not intended to be a religious or non-religious thread.) I expect all three of the Valkyries in my stable to outlive me, not as sure about the Solstice.
------------------ Rams Learning most of life's lessons the hard way. . You are only young once but, you can be immature indefinitely.
[This message has been edited by blackrams (edited 12-08-2024).]
Having gone through both parents and my x wife's parents who had no will you are lucky. My "estate" will take care of my final end then what is left will be split between my girlfriend and my sister. There is no one else and like you said I wont be around to worry about it. (I hope) /ghost sounds
Having gone through both parents and my x wife's parents who had no will you are lucky. My "estate" will take care of my final end then what is left will be split between my girlfriend and my sister. There is no one else and like you said I wont be around to worry about it. (I hope) /ghost sounds
My wife was the executor of both of her parents and her aunt's, none of them had wills. A real PITA! I have advised my wife that my remains can be given to the "Body Farm" here in TN if she chooses to do so. I don't care, I won't be using it. Should she do that, I'll be waiting on visitors.
But, she has also told me that my remains will be cremated and then she'll have those ashes placed into a hour glass so she can keep me working upon command. Yeah, she's special.........................
Rams
[This message has been edited by blackrams (edited 12-08-2024).]
I am approaching that threshold for myself. I've tried to make everything as easy as possible for my survivors. I only have my daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughter. My late wife and I prepared our wills and other legal papers back in 2008 using the Legal Zoom program. She passed in 2018, and we carried out her wishes as she had indicated.
I have my Will, my Living Will, and my Durable Power of Attorney updated and notarized last week. I have my bank account, 401K, Health Savings Account, and Credit Union beneficiaries all in place to help cover my final medical expenses with any excess going to my beneficiaries. I have put aside enough cash-on-hand plus an account with the Credit Union to cover my funeral expenses. Cemetery plot and vault are paid for and the US Army covers my headstone.
My will details who gets my real and personal properties, and in what order of survivorship. As Rams said, whatever we decree, we have no control over after our passing. It's up to the survivors to carry out our wishes. We nor I didn't file anything with Probate because I don't want the government involved in my afterlife. They were too involved in my time here on earth.
I am approaching that threshold for myself. I've tried to make everything as easy as possible for my survivors. I only have my daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughter. My late wife and I prepared our wills and other legal papers back in 2008 using the Legal Zoom program. She passed in 2018, and we carried out her wishes as she had indicated.
I have my Will, my Living Will, and my Durable Power of Attorney updated and notarized last week. I have my bank account, 401K, Health Savings Account, and Credit Union beneficiaries all in place to help cover my final medical expenses with any excess going to my beneficiaries. I have put aside enough cash-on-hand plus an account with the Credit Union to cover my funeral expenses. Cemetery plot and vault are paid for and the US Army covers my headstone.
My will details who gets my real and personal properties, and in what order of survivorship. As Rams said, whatever we decree, we have no control over after our passing. It's up to the survivors to carry out our wishes. We nor I didn't file anything with Probate because I don't want the government involved in my afterlife. They were too involved in my time here on earth.
While no expert on this, it appears you have taken the right steps. Your survivors will appreciate that. As I said previously, my wife was Executor for both of her parents and her aunt and they did not make wills or anything that would help her with the details. I assure you, being an Executor of an estate sucks.
I'm like Fierofool. Have done all I can as far as making sure everything is 'pre-disposed'. No funeral and cremation as soon as possible. Ashes get stuck in the dark vault over at Killeen's State Veteran's Cemetery. (here in Texas, you can sign up for your spot in the state vet's bonefarm"ahead of time".)
(Make sure you've done something about your pets/livestock...and, vehicles. If vehicles aren't specified in a will, they can be a PITA for un-married folks)
We all have lost loved ones at some point in our lives. Having lost both my parents (mother just a few months ago) I was selected as Executor of both Dad and Mom's estates. That job sucks. Knowing this in advance, I did my best to convince both parents to seriously consider their own demise and how they wanted things handled. This they both did. ...
I don't care if there is a funeral, that's for the family to decide. I personally think such expenses are a huge waste of resources that can better be used for other priorities.
...
Just curious as to what others have done to achieve similar goals if, that's actually been considered or done? I may not have thought of everything. As a member of this community, we're all getting older and none of us will survive and live forever, speaking of our physical bodies. (Again, this is not intended to be a religious or non-religious thread.) I expect all three of the Valkyries in my stable to outlive me, not as sure about the Solstice.
Well, for one, you should definitely give the Solstice to me. Especially if it's Sly gray... it just makes sense that I have it (all joking aside).
I've always been a very sentimental person, which makes it really difficult because I have a hard time getting rid of "stuff." I have all my grandfather's medals, a bunch of his plaques, etc. None of which really has anything to do with me, but I keep them for inspiration. Heck, I even have my grandfather's last car... which takes up an enormous amount of space in the garage (Crown Victoria).
I've told my daughter that when I die... I don't want her to keep any of the "**** " that we own... and that she should get rid of all of it. Keep maybe one or two things, and don't let it burden her.
My parents (both of whom are still alive) are going through what you've been talking about. They're trying to get rid of stuff because they don't want to burden me. My brother died many years ago when we were both in our 20s, so there will be no frustration about finances or who gets what. I don't think there would be either... because neither of us really cared about money. I encouraged my dad to go live and have fun with mom on all the trips they can, and my dad has... but he still wants to have something substantial left over. I told my dad to put everything he has into a trust and give it to my daughter, with one of us to manage just so she stays on the right track. For my daughter, she is also the only one... I have no back-up kids... not for lack of trying of course... lots and lots of trying (for the fun part of it), but it just wasn't meant to be, and that's OK.
It'll all fall on my daughter...
On the grave stuff... I don't know how I feel. A grave may feel like wasted space... but I'm torn. I like that there's a place I can go to visit my brother, or visit my grandparents. I'm very religious, though I try not to talk about it that often, and I've experienced a lot of things that most people would laugh at. I'll share them here, so you guys can laugh... haha. I've seen a lot of things that are totally unexplainable. I'll share the less personal ones, but I think it builds my perspective.
When my wife's aunt died... the night she died. My wife and I were in bed in our house. I woke up because I heard the door to our bedroom open. It has a reed mat that hangs down from the top of the door. We enclosed our patio (concrete walls, poured concrete floor, etc.) and this was one of the old outside doors that would go to the patio. But it's now a connector to the rest of the house. This door makes noise when it opens because the reed mat goes back and forth hitting the door a couple of times when you open it. This woke me up... someone opened the door.
The room was insanely electric, I can't even really explain it. Every hair on my body stood up, and I immediately sat up. I sat up and saw the reed mat swinging and hitting the door. Out of nowhere... just somewhere in the room (no real idea of where it came from), I heard "Well hello there!" Scared the **** out of me, but I didn't feel threatened... but it was like... a serious WTF. I then looked over at my wife, who was fast asleep, and she immediately woke up gasping. A couple of seconds later, she got a text on her phone... her aunt had just died 10 minutes before.
I won't try to explain it... I just won't. I have these kinds of things happen to me now and then.
The most recent one was when I was in the Netherlands. I was looking for my grandfather's (Opa) grave in Vassen. It's right across from an old Catholic church, which has a convent attached to it. I'm sad to say that things have changed a lot in Vassen, and the convent has long since been abandoned, and the church only holds one mass every other week because there's a volunteer retired priest that goes there. It's a very nice old gothic church... but anyway, half my family on my dad's side is buried there.
We looked everywhere for my grandfather's grave (which has my last name on it), and I couldn't find it. I searched over and over and over, and all of a sudden, the second I turned around to look at one of the graves, the church bells rang. Keep in mind, this church is practically abandoned, and these bells don't normally ring. The very grave I looked at when the bells rang, was my grandfather's. Could totally be a coincidence, but it's just another (more mild) example that I'm willing to share.
So, I don't suppose you need a grave for that, but yeah... there's some TMI for the thread.
Originally posted by 82-T/A [At Work]: Well, for one, you should definitely give the Solstice to me. Especially if it's Sly gray... it just makes sense that I have it (all joking aside).
I've always been a very sentimental person
SNIP
So, I don't suppose you need a grave for that, but yeah... there's some TMI for the thread.
Well heck, you were first on my list to get that Solstice but, since you were kidding, I'll find someone else to take it. BTW, it is Sly Gray, manual.
Nothing wrong with being sentimental, most of us are about something. As far as a grave goes, in my mind's eye, I can see the world's human population growing to the point where cemeteries will be used to grow food. I don't have a problem with that (assuming beets aren't grown over mine. Hate Beats. Most cemeteries get very few visitors and most visitors are only for folks who recently passed. I don't want a plot taking up space that could be used to other productive uses that honestly no one will visit in after a few years. I simply consider this to be realistic. Memories are what's important, not a decaying body. Although, my wife is still threatening to have me cremated, place my ashes in an hourglass so she can keep me working.
I won't try to explain it... I just won't. I have these kinds of things happen to me now and then.
Yeah, I have had strange coincidences\moments occur every few years - most were EXTREMELY mundane, several were shared (I told another person about a situation that was about to unfold, and then it occurred) Maybe I'll make a thread about it, see if we can 'shake things up in the Matrix' a bit.
But sometimes, weird stuff happens.
(Like that weird thing that's about to happen right n
Originally posted by blackrams: Well heck, you were first on my list to get that Solstice but, since you were kidding, I'll find someone else to take it. BTW, it is Sly Gray, manual.
Nothing wrong with being sentimental, most of us are about something. As far as a grave goes, in my mind's eye, I can see the world's human population growing to the point where cemeteries will be used to grow food. I don't have a problem with that (assuming beets aren't grown over mine. Hate Beats. Most cemeteries get very few visitors and most visitors are only for folks who recently passed. I don't want a plot taking up space that could be used to other productive uses that honestly no one will visit in after a few years. I simply consider this to be realistic. Memories are what's important, not a decaying body. Although, my wife is still threatening to have me cremated, place my ashes in an hourglass so she can keep me working.
Reference TMI, thanks for sharing.
Rams
Yeah, you're totally right. I agree... I just know my daughter won't be cool with me being creamated. That's pretty funny about the hourglass though... haha...
I'm half-tempted to do a VIN search for my old Solstice to see if I can find out if it's still on the road and if / who currently has it. It had low miles when I sold it... but the rear-end was getting a little squirrelly. I felt like something was wrong under there... like maybe bushings were shot or who knows what.
quote
Originally posted by TheDigitalAlchemist: Yeah, I have had strange coincidences\moments occur every few years - most were EXTREMELY mundane, several were shared (I told another person about a situation that was about to unfold, and then it occurred) Maybe I'll make a thread about it, see if we can 'shake things up in the Matrix' a bit.
But sometimes, weird stuff happens.
(Like that weird thing that's about to happen right n
I'm half-tempted to do a VIN search for my old Solstice to see if I can find out if it's still on the road and if / who currently has it. It had low miles when I sold it... but the rear-end was getting a little squirrelly. I felt like something was wrong under there... like maybe bushings were shot or who knows what.
if you live in the same house for 20 years, you will visit your bathroom more often than your grave will be visited in the whole 1000 years after you are buried. (not counting the old guy that drives by mowing the cemetery that has no idea who you are or were and cares even less.) And, within 2-3 generations of your own demise, few if anyone in your family will even know where you are buried or where your ashes were scattered. Old bibles will know more about you than your family will.
if you live in the same house for 20 years, you will visit your bathroom more often than your grave will be visited in the whole 1000 years after you are buried. (not counting the old guy that drives by mowing the cemetery that has no idea who you are or were and cares even less.) And, within 2-3 generations of your own demise, few if anyone in your family will even know where you are buried or where your ashes were scattered. Old bibles will know more about you than your family will.
Yeah... this is true. I personally don't care so much if people remember me or not... but from the historical perspective (for the family), I think it's nice to at least have a history that future family members (if there are any) that can look back on where they came from and what they're made from. Everyone has a story I suppose, and it's need to see what makes your family lineage. Many of us take this for granted... but there are many people who do not know what their family's history is, or don't even have a family history because they were orphaned or adopted (even though the new family is their history). So I think it's important that at least for our offspring, if we have them... to know where they come from.
Of course, you don't need a grave site for that. My grandfather wrote up a whole memoir... 41 chapters. It wasn't all about him of course, the first 2/3rds if you will was all the research he was able to find about that side of the family going back to even before the revolution. It included everything he could find from my grandmother's side (from Argentina), and then all his time at the agency (in which he very obviously included way more than he should have).
I suppose this gets easier ... or, worse with the current generation? I think to myself, everything we do and say online gets recorded. I look back, even on Pennock's... I was here when I was just a few years older than my daughter ... and the things I've said... haha. In 100 years, there will probably be something archiving the internet archive, and I really don't need my grandkids finding that stuff.
And, within 2-3 generations of your own demise, few if anyone in your family will even know where you are buried or where your ashes were scattered.
I came across an interesting site. Find a Grave not only allows you to find where graves are located, but in many instances, there are photos available to see of the gravestones! I was able to find photos of both sets of my grandparent's gravestones, at opposite ends of the country.
My wife used Find A Grave and located three cemeteries where my paternal ancestors are buried. One of those being a large family cemetery. A great resource when doing genealogy. Through that she made connections that led to birth certificates and census reports of many of them.
I've used up and simply how to make this transition for my family easier.
