The wife and I were talking earlier and she mentioned that he hadn't been on facebook for the past few weeks. I went to send him a message and apparently he had a heart attack at a friends house after work last month. The family is not releasing any information, and so far is attacking anyone online who asks for information because (as they are saying) we were not Johns real friends.
I know I had a lot of long, late night talks with John, and quite a few laughs.
Bummer. Too bad your "need to tell" outweighed the families wishes for privacy.
Sounds to me like they are just lashing out in a time of emotional distress. I can't think of a reason why those here who have befriended him through the years would not be qualified to know based on the family's arbitrary assignment of what they believe his "real" friends were and were not.
Seems to me John believed Brad to be a friend, as they both accepted friendship status online.
I didn't know him well, but it always stinks to lose another forum member. I do remember his posts, and it's always shocking to think conversations permanently saved online are sometimes between someone alive and gone. Thanks for the heads up, Brad.
Originally posted by Patrick: Jeff, please... just stop it.
...
Apparently our "need to know" outweighs the families wishes as well. So be it. A grieving families request matters little when people have their curiosities.
And Patrick, unless a public piss match is your intent, feel free to utilize the Private Messaging feature provided to voice your disapproval. Out of respect for John, I'll refrain from telling you what else you can do, but I'll bet that you can guess.
I am absolutely shocked. And dismayed. Looks like I shall be keeping a few more special emails and PM's along with the one I treasure from David Pendergast, and a few others from some very kind and special people I have met here, and who have passed on. I am so sorry to hear this. And I am also very sorry his family are so upset and lashing out like that. RIP Gecko.
The 'family' wanted nothing to do with him at one time, when he really needed them; now they want to slag off friends who DID step in. I regret the passing of their relative sincerely, but their behaviour now regarding people whom HE considered friends, and they now consider NOT to be, is reprehensible, IMHO. E.Furgal. You weren't even around at the time, have no knowledge of John, OR his friends, OR his family, so I would politely suggest you keep your acerbic comments to yourself.
The 'family' wanted nothing to do with him at one time, when he really needed them; now they want to slag off friends who DID step in. I regret the passing of their relative sincerely, but their behaviour now regarding people whom HE considered friends, and they now consider NOT to be, is reprehensible, IMHO. E.Furgal. You weren't even around at the time, have no knowledge of John, OR his friends, OR his family, so I would politely suggest you keep your acerbic comments to yourself.
sorry, but even IF his family was the way you say.. show that he/we are bigger/better than that and send a card.. or ?
yes wasn't here.. maybe his family was as you say. maybe he lied, who knows.. no matter what you think of the family members, it's the right thing to do.. send a card and RESPECT the families wishes..
Bummer. Too bad your "need to tell" outweighed the families wishes for privacy.
Did they tell him NOT to tell anyone at all, or did they just not want to provide any details related to his untimely passing and memorial plan(s)?
Two very different things, imo...
Brad was just letting us know the fact that he passed. That's a pretty public fact, but most of us don't scan for names in the global obituary column...
Most folks would LIKE to be remembered, I believe. And would like those who knew them (in "real life" or "virtually") to know why they 'dissappeared'. Don't need to know the details, and if the family wishes it all to be private, it's their call...
Some who grieve may do it for selfish reasons, but those who 'grief' or troll do it to ACTIVELY be assh0les.
Like whoever was the one spamming the Tyler chatroom during the build. That was disgusting.
We WILL grieve for him, and no one has the right to deny us that. Bothering the family is a different matter.
Just so sad to hear he's gone...
[This message has been edited by TheDigitalAlchemist (edited 08-13-2012).]
Originally posted by E.Furgal: sorry, but even IF his family was the way you say.. show that he/we are bigger/better than that and send a card.. or ?
yes wasn't here.. maybe his family was as you say. maybe he lied, who knows.. no matter what you think of the family members, it's the right thing to do.. send a card and RESPECT the families wishes..
I understand that, and perhaps would agree, but..best to let THEM grieve (I very much doubt they would be checking this Forum out ), and allow his friends here to say a few words that they would wish to remember him by.
A loss of a forum member is always important to all of us here. We are like family and every member we lose to the great beyond, even though I don’t believe there is a beyond is important to every one of us. I personally have contacted several members when they aren’t here for some time just to make sure they are OK.
WD and the others here who are arguing about whether it was right to tell us for whatever reason, we want to know when we lose a member.
Just remember he will never be truly gone and as long as his posts remain here on PFF he will always be a member here and a good friend to all.
So quit the crap and just give your condolences and carryon.
I will ask Cliff if it is possible when we lose a member to change their avatar to a picture of the real person and a little info about their passing. You know sort of like a tombstone with their birth and death date so that we all know. Is it so wrong for people who knew him to be informed of his passing.
I like 99% of our members and would buy any of them a beer anytime they wish to stop by.
RIP John and may your Fiero in the sky never run out of gas.
Steve
------------------ Technology is great when it works, and one big pain in the ass when it doesn't Detroit iron rules all the rest are just toys.
You have no idea how low this forum can go. Wait until the speculation of why an otherwise healthy looking 40 year old had a heart attack starts. Try searching for GTDude in the archives. You will see exactly what I am talking about.
If you think I am being disrespectful of his memory, know that I met the guy, ate a couple meals with him, and generally considered myself his ally on the forum. He was a genuinely nice guy, but I doubt that many on this forum would have approved of his lifestyle 100%. Did you write to Gecko in jail? I know that I didn't, and it has bothered me ever since. I doubt that time was good for him, and his Internet "friends" largely forgot about him.
While I appreciate that Brad feels he has the best of intentions, it just seems callous that he apparently disregarded the family's wishes. I don't understand the family's reasoning, or agree that he had no friends here. But my need to know shouldn't trump a survivors wishes and a decedants privacy. If you disagree, that is fine. But to place my concerns as the forums low water mark, you are either being inflammatory for the purpose of trolling, or you are being intentionally ignorant. Either way, your comment is more appropriate for PM.
John had made a purchase from me last year, and I had some interaction with him here and there in O/T. He was never mean-spirited or nasty, but funny and a little ornery and thats how I like them. He was only 3 years older than me, and this is a healthy reminder that if you guys have not had your health screenings and are approaching 40, perhaps its time? This is a terrible thing that happened to someone so young, a member of our little family here.
I will be making some appointments in short order to get my heart and other vitals checked out, I have put this off long enough. I knew when i was 23 years old I had high cholesterol and heart disease runs in my family. The time to ignore it because I am young is over, this is as much of a wake up call that I could hope for. I am sorry for Gecko going, and what his family must be going through. RIP fellow traveler, see you on the next road.
He's gone home.
[This message has been edited by tbone42 (edited 08-13-2012).]
The family never said nobody could be told. When asked what happened, where the funeral is/was, or where John is buried people are told that they were not his real friends and don't need to know any of that. (In much more derogatory terms)
I did not break the families wishes in any way. Everything I posted came from his Girlfriend, who has no problem with people knowing.
The family never said nobody could be told. When asked what happened, where the funeral is/was, or where John is buried people are told that they were not his real friends and don't need to know any of that. (In much more derogatory terms)
I did not break the families wishes in any way. Everything I posted came from his Girlfriend, who has no problem with people knowing.
Brad
Well, you were there.
Let me ask, though. If you had information that you did not want published, would it be ok to publish it if it came from another source? Legally, yes. The ethics concern me. I think it would bother you as well.
Anyway, I'm done with commenting on this. Everything I need to say has been said, and without any disrespect to anyone. People apparently want to know "what happened", and that must be important. If anyone feels the need to try to shame me for my opinion, I hope that they will utilize the Private Messages rather then send this thread to the trash.
Just realized he was one of my FB friends and posted the Mary Frye poem on his FB page, just after your post Brad. I never go there very often so I didn’t even realize he had passed. Thank you Brad for posting the loss of a good friend.
He was a good man who will be missed.
Steve
------------------ Technology is great when it works, and one big pain in the ass when it doesn't Detroit iron rules all the rest are just toys.
You know, I read halfway down before I realized it was THAT Gecko! I knew I reconized the face. Man, that is sad.
I suspect the family are more angry with HIM and his choices in life then they are with his "non-friends". It's just easier for them to face, that way.
RIP my friend.
[This message has been edited by Boondawg (edited 08-13-2012).]
Man, poor guy... I really hate to read about this stuff. I didn't know him like some of you guys did, but pretty much everyone on here, even in O/T is a "doer"... not the Monty Python kind, but the kind of person who likes to get their hands dirty to fix things... and I have a lot of respect for people like that, regardless of their situation.
I hope it's not too innapropriate to discuss, but my brother had a "heart attack" also when he was 28. My parents responded in a similar fashion to the way it appears his family has. Unfortunately, for my brother's case... he was using drugs which caused the heart attack and he died. I've learned that people can do some pretty dumb things, but that shouldn't define who they are as a person... just like whatever the situation caused Gecko to end up the way he did, shouldn't be cause for a family to be disturbed. When the dust clears... most of us will only remember the positives of people.
I was looking through the archives, re-reading a few threads where John and I had conversed. This thread, dating back to 2006, is unfortunately probably an early indication of what may have led to his untimely death.
I was looking through the archives, re-reading a few threads where John and I had conversed. This thread, dating back to 2006, is unfortunately probably an early indication of what may have led to his untimely death.
), and allow his friends here to say a few words that they would wish to remember him by.
